hitler

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 21th, 2009

If you were offended by that recent sex-ed campaign featuring Hitler, I'm guessing "The Final Solution" isn't going to be up your alley. You'll find the poster at the link, although I'm not sure who is going to want to hang that baby on their wall.

New poster for "The Fourth Kind" reveals what "The Fourth Kind" stands for. I'm pretty excited for this one.

This "True Blood" jewelry in HBO's online store might help explain why I have no interest in watching "True Blood".

In Real People News: 

This guy has sex with ponies. Not horses, PONIES. For some reason that's actually worse to me.

I don't want to hear how bad the economy is, until you're chopping your balls off so you can become a begger.

Speaking of India, they make witches eat poop. Not much need for setup on that one.

On this day in history: 

1997: Hotel owners in the Detroit area meet to discuss suicide doctor Jack Kevorkian's practice of leaving corpses in their hotel rooms.

Horror Headlines: Friday September 25th, 2009

I'm back. Sorry for the hiatus, but it's hard to do the news on an early Friday morning when you don't have Internet. Back at my old house, I was able to steal Internet, but, at the new condo I just bought, all these bastards have passwords and WPA codes and whatnot on their Internet, so, of course, now I have to legitimately pay for it, with a modem and everything. XBOX Live, here I come!

So “Mr. Disgusting” over at Bloody Disgusting posted an “exclusive” synopsis of the upcoming remake of The Gate: “It revolves around Miles and Terry who live in a typical suburban tract. One day, they discover a mysterious crystalline rock in Miles' backyard, they quickly dig up the lawn in search of more. But instead, they unearth The Gate - the opening to an underground chamber containing terrifying evil. The boys soon realize what they have unleashed, as one dire event follows another. With supernatural fiends invading suburbia, it's up to the kids to find the secret that will lock forever THE GATE...If it is not too late.” Exclusive? Really?? Sorry, “Mr. Disgusting”, BUT THAT IS THE EXACT SAME PLOT OF THE ORIGINAL GATE!!! Is that really an “exclusive”??? This just in, we here at BGH have an exclusive synopsis about David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly: “A brilliant scientist, creating a teleportation machine, accidentally transports himself and a common housefly in the machine, with horrific chaos ensuing.” EXCLUSIVE!!! Just call me “Señor Grotesque”!!!

With Twilight becoming a total pop culture phenomenon, filmmakers are clamoring for anything Stephanie Meyer, so her first, ahem, “adult” novel "The Host" has been optioned. Pandering to the lonely, repressed female sci-fi crowd, "The Host" is a post-apocalyptic novel about, oh, I don't know, mutants that sparkle or something. I don't know. You know what I do know though? I think Stephanie Meyer is really hot. I would love to go on a date with her, pretend to listen to everything she says and then go back to her place and just bang her all night, and by all night, I mean for about an hour, upon which, I'll raid her fridge, which I'm sure is packed, watch some cable and pass out on her couch, only to wake up with her four or five cats sleeping on me. Somehow, she'll see this as a the opening of a meaningful relationship and we'll be together forever, just like Bella and Ricardo. (Ricardo's the dude's name, right?)

According to Variety, Dimension Films has unveiled their upcoming slate, which includes "Scream 4", "Spy Kids 4", "Halloween 3", "Children of the Corn", "Hellraiser", "Short Circuit", "Scanners" and "An American Werewolf in London", half of which will be in 3D. Thanks for running the third dimension into the ground, horror filmmakers! Funny enough, this slate is almost exactly similar to Dimension's slate in the late 90s, the same one that ran them into the ground and caused most of their releases to go direct-to-video. "Phantoms 2", please!

In Real People News: 

The Connecticut Karaoke Assaultwould make a great movie title! I'm thinking an “urban comedy/thriller” from Dimension Films!

These Goddamn liberal hippie environmentalists are trying to get rid of “plush” toilet paper. Listen here: the day your take my quadruple-quilted Northern is when you pry it from my cold, dead anus!

In an interview just before his death, Michael Jackson found enough time to take an 8-year-old's penis out of his mouth to call Hitler a “genius orator”. When reached for comment, Hitler said “Really? That's pretty fucked up, dude.”

On this day in history: 

In 1981, Sandra Day O'Connor becomes the first female Justice of the Supreme Court. Contrary to many horrible sexist jokes of the time, she is post-menopausal and her period/PMS will not come to affect any of her decisions.

"Aids is a Mass Murderer" and so is Hitler

To promote World AIDS Day, December 1, a German AIDS awareness group, regenbogen e.v., which translates to mean "Rainbow" has put together a racy ad to grab people's attention and scare people into wearing condoms.

The commerical depicts a couple engaging in some hot foreplay. The commerical is filmed in the same vein as any perfume ad with skantily clad people rolling around half naked, but towards the end it is revealed that this commerical is different, becuase the male patron is actually Hitler. "AIDS is a Mass Murderer" is then flashed up on screen soon afterwards.

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