dumbass criminals

Horror Headlines: Thursday October 15th, 2009

"Ju-On" 5 and 6 are on their way stateside. Not sure what they're about? Watch the other 4, that should give you a pretty good idea.

If ever there were a series made for a hollow gimmick like the new 3D technology, it's definitely "Saw". You'll find quotes from one of the Producers on how the development process for the next film is going, and the ways they're trying to utilize the 3D at the link.

Check out all the entries for the "Instant Films 48 Hours Film Festival". Among the entries you'll find a film called "Shut up! I Said Shut Up!", by "Alien Raiders" director Ben Rock.

Paramount Pictures plans to release a new web series titled "Circle of Eight" on Myspace on October 27th. Yup, I said Myspace. Apparently that place still exists.

A ton of sneak peak videos from the "Night of the Creeps" DVD. Fred Dekker's 80's classic finally comes home to your collection in a few weeks.

In Real People News: 

Notorious serial killer gets caught by stealing a ceiling fan from a mosque. Not exactly the world's smartest criminal.

Sure, Sweden may be all "neutral" and stuff... but they also keep themselves warm by burning dead bunny carcasses. If that isn't evil, I don't know what is.

Another reason why the internet is greater than HAM radio, it won't electrocute the shit out of you. Well, at least if you're doing it right it won't.

On this day in history: 

1917: Dutch spy H21, also known as Mata Hari, is executed in Paris by a 12-man firing squad. The dancer, born Margaretha Geertruida Zelle, had slept with a number of high-ranking military officers from around the world and passed secrets along to the German high command. After death, her body is given to the University of Paris medical school for dissection.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday September 2nd, 2009

So... I do have to admit that I haven't seen "The Host" yet. The reason I say that is because here's the first still from the sequel. Does the creature in the first film look that terrible? Please inform.

Excited for Mike Dougherty's "Trick 'R Treat" this Halloween? Now you can enter a fan-art contest being sponsored by Warner Bro's for the release. Check it out!

Here's the final one-sheet for "Sorority Row". Not as sexy as the others, but that was a hard track record to live up to.

Ben Ketai has been hired to direct the "30 Days of Night" sequel, subtitled "Dark Days". The film will follow Melissa George's character (recast apparently) as she heads back to Las Angeles and intentionally attracts the local vampire population to get revenge for her husband's death. So, we recast the lead and take the story out of the arctic circle? Count me out.

In Real People News: 

Sony is accelerating their plans to release a 3D flatscreen television. Sweet, this means I can finally sit through "My Bloody Valentine 3D" again.

Note to potential criminals... spray paint is not an effective way to mask your identity. Well I guess that's not entirely true, but it could also kill you, which might put a crimp in your plans.

On this day in history: 

1666: A kitchen fire breaks out in Thomas Farynor's bakery on Pudding Lane, unleashing four days of destruction. 436 acres in the city are converted to ash, including 13,200 homes. 200,000 residents are rendered homeless by what comes to be known as the Great Fire of London.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday March 31st, 2009

It took me a while, but I'm officially back from the dead (and the Philadelphia airport), and I'm here to bring you today's horror news!

Here's an image of Michael Myers walking through Haddonfield. It's sort of mysterioso I guess, but Zombie is seriously testing my ability to post stuff about his "Halloween" sequel every single day. Will it let up after they're done shooting in Georgia? Let's hope so, because I'm about ready to go cold turkey on "H2" news.

MTV claims that the comic book XXXombies is coming to the big screen. What is XXXombies about you might ask? Why, zombies fighting porn stars, what else?

Bill Hader will star in Judd Apatow's slasher flick "House of Joel". Somehow I love all three of those things, but when you put them together in once sentence it makes me supremely uncomfortable. Go figure.

First images from the second season of "True Blood" on HBO. Even though every one of our commenters tells me it sucked and they stopped watching, it appears that there are still some people out there interested in this show. I just can't seem to find them.

In Real People News: 

Not sure if I really care about seeing video of the Vice President's daughter snorting cocaine. I'm kind of intrigued by the description of her stumbling around and complaining that the line wasn't long enough though. That girl's a trooper!

The parents of a dead girl recently received a letter from her high school demanding she improve her attendance record. "Alright", her parents said, "but it's not going to be pleasant for anybody."

I would imagine a police officers' convention is not quite as fun as a horror con... additionally, it's probably a lot harder to rob, but that didn't stop someone from trying recently.

On this day in history: 

1996: During a homebrew exorcism in Rhode Island, a man accidentally punctures the esophagus of his mother-in-law when he jams two pointy steel crucifixes down her throat, causing a large quantity of blood to gush out. Mario Garcia is later charged with assault with a dangerous weapon.

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 19th, 2009

In Eddie Nickerson's horror Western "High Moon" a reckless outlaw is a small town’s only hope for survival from a vicious band of werewolves. I think we're finally at the point where it's no longer "original" to put a horror film in a "Western" setting. Plus, I'm scratching my head over here trying to remember one that turned out well. Help me out guys.

Pascal Laugier, director of "Martyrs", has a lot of projects coming up. These include one that's "inspired by H.P. Lovecraft", one that's "CUJO times 40", and one that of course is a remake of "Hellraiser". Of that project he says "we're trying to respect Clive Barker's original material while bringing totally fresh angles to it".

Get ready for a nostalgia overload with "It Came From the Drive-In". In project just announced from Union Entertainment, a kid and a reclusive outcast inventor ("Back to the Future" anyone?) "team up to save their town from an army of hideous creatures using a menagerie of monster-slaying inventions when they discover that a new local drive-in theater is a gateway to the other side". This all takes place on Halloween 1959, and naturally, in 3D! Okay, I can't lie. This sounds freaking amazing.

Warner Bro's is moving Richard Kelly's "The Box" UP to October 30th, 2009. This is from its previous November release, and its 20 other release dates prior to that. Not sure if this is genius or a last ditch effort to try and squeeze something out of this project. Guess we'll find out in about 7 months.

If you want to see "The Haunting in Connecticut" early, Lionsgate is offering up a handful of free screenings across the country on March 25th, which is next Wednesday and 2 days before the official release. Check the link for a list of theaters.

In Real People News: 

A Tampa man wearing an "I Heart My Marriage" shirt was arrested for choking his wife during an argument yesterday. Geeze, I guess even the adults are into irony these days.

If you're going to confess to a murder on your death bed, better make damn sure you're actually dying, lest you end up in court the next week.

What you are seeing here is a real life example of that Simpsons episode where Homer gets too fat to work on purpose. Only this family is receiving about £22,508 in tax credits from the British Government because they're "too fat to work". Choice quote: "Often I’m so tired from watching TV I have to have a nap." If you can read that story without punching something, more power to you.

On this day in history: 

1987: Televangelist Jim Bakker resigns his PTL ministry after it is revealed he nailed former church secretary Jessica Hahn, who would then go on to inphamy as a B-movie actress and regular on The Howard Stern Show.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday March 17th, 2009

"Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre may be the next big foreign slasher film, but if they expect me to do anything but belly laugh when I read about it, they better change that damn name, and fast. Teaser trailer at the link.

Talk about obscure, Fango reports that there is a remake of the UK exploitation film "The House on Straw Hill" underway. The original is apparently still banned in the UK, and deals with a writer in an old house whose assistant turns violent and homicidal.

Mick Garris hopes to be shooting Stephen King's "Bag of Bones" this summer in Maine, however some haggling must first be done, since Maine doesn't offer the kind of incentives that other states do when it comes to filming there.

If you're curious to see how the "House on Sorority Row" remake is coming along (titled just "Sorority Row"), prints of the trailer are reported to be attached to Nic Cage's "Knowing", which hits theaters this weekend. Or you can just wait until Monday when it shows up online. Probably better for your health.

Looks like there's going to be a "Lost Boys III", and Corey Feldman will be producing. Shockingly, he will also be the "focus" of the film. Weird how that works out when you're the producer, huh?

Dan Harris, writer of "X-Men 2" and "Superman Returns" has been picked to write the film adaptation of EA's "Dante's Inferno" game which is currently in development.

In Real People News: 

Look, I thought it was clear but let's reiterate. If you're a cop and you stop at any restaurant whatsoever, check your food for pubes before you leave with the bag. It will save you the time of having to go back later.

Perv puts "spy camera" inside Starbucks bathroom, forgets to delete picture of himself on the camera. Complete with "is that Paul Ruebens?" mugshot at the link.

This is by far the creepiest/awesomest story of the week. Man loses finger in motorcycle accident, doctors build him a prosthetic one, complete with a built-in USB stick!. Apparently, he's also a Linux user. This is really cool, until of course USB sticks go out of style. Imagine having a floppy disc attached to your fake hand?

On this day in history: 

1970: Country Joe McDonald (of Country Joe and the Fish) is convicted on obscenity charges after he asks for an F, a U, a C, and one other letter at a concert in Massachusetts.

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