Black Forest: Hansel and Gretel & The 420 Witch

Horror Headlines: Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Twice this week a girl has sat next to me on the bus and then gotten up and moved to a different seat after being next to me for about 20 minutes. I'm fairly sure it was the same girl. She got on at the same stop both times and this morning I saw her contemplate standing rather than sitting next to me. The first time it happened I was wearing a larger coat so I chalked it up to me taking up most of the seat. But today I was wearing a thinner one and even tried to push myself up against the wall so she had more room. I don't think I smell but who knows.

If I ever decide to be come a cannibal I'm going to catch the next flight to Laurence Fishburne's house. I bet he would be delicious. And we'll all get to find out when he and Kevin Zegers star in "The Colony", a new flick about a group of survivors living in an underground bunker after the ice age hits trying to fight off a group of cannibals. Deals are not confirmed yet but they look to be locking in sometime in the near future. I don't even think he would need much seasoning...

NBC is banking on "Hannibal" being a hit with the kids and has decided to green light the show for a full series of 13 episodes. The show will be based on the classic characters from the "Red Dragon" novel and will focus on the relationship between Will Graham and his mentor Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Kind of like "Will and Grace" with murdering.

Lara Flynn Boyle is going to play a weed dealing witch in the new film "Black Forest: Hansel and Gretel & the 420 Witch". I have no idea what else to say about that.

I haven't heard much about the new movie "Chernobyl Diaries" but it sounds pretty bad ass. The film is about a group of friends who are stuck in the city of Prypiat in the aftermath of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. How the hell they got there I have no idea but it looks like they're not alone. Ohh spooky! The film has been just been given a May 25th release date and stars a bunch of people I've never heard of but I'm sure are super hot. Catch the fever.

In Real People News: 

There's nothing funny about death and it's sad that Whitney Houston is gone. What is hilarious though is this woman in England who set her house on fire with a candle she had lit to honor the singer. I can't think of any Whitney Houston songs with the word "fire" in the title but if you know one feel free to make your own joke.

And here's an adorable picture of a puppy sleeping. It looks just like a penis. An adorable penis.

Horror Headlines: Monday October 10th, 2011

Nic Kelman has been tapped by the fine people at Mandalay Pictures to take over the script writing for the big screen adaptation of the graphic novel "Ramayan 3392 A.D.". The writing process had begun way back in 2008 with John Collee, of John Collee and the Beaver Brown Band fame (google it, it's hilarious) originally being chosen for the writing job. Must not be "Eddie and the Cruisers" fans.

Did you see "Ginger Snaps" and immediately get a crush on Katharine Isabelle? Then you're a sicko and you belong in jail! Anyway she's in a new film called "13 Eerie" and now that she's at a more respectable age you can go ahead and get all fluttery over her. The film is a trapped on and island zombie romp and stars a bunch of other people but you don't care about... sicko.

Lara Flynn Boyle will play a teen eating witch in a new horror/comedy titled "Black Forest: Hansel and Gretel & The 420 Witch". If you couldn't have guessed already the film tells the story of a witch who lures kids to her California home with a special blend of pot and then cooks them for dinner. I don't know why it's taken so long for Hollywood to combine the whimsical charm of children stories with the joy of pot smoking.

And lastly it's my sad duty to report that David Hess, star of films like "Last house on the Left" and "Smash Cut" passed away yesterday at the age of 69.

In Real People News: 

Here's a fun story about two women who were tossed out of a Baltimore area Walmart after they got into a
bleach fight. It's like some sort of white trash sequel to "Zoolander".

And because it makes me happy to make you uncomfortable here's a story about a guy who was arrested for possession of drugs when the police noticed a string hanging out of his anus that was tied to the bag of pot and cocaine he had shoved up his ass. Happy Columbus Day!

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