dead island

Horror Headlines: Monday October 10th, 2011

Nic Kelman has been tapped by the fine people at Mandalay Pictures to take over the script writing for the big screen adaptation of the graphic novel "Ramayan 3392 A.D.". The writing process had begun way back in 2008 with John Collee, of John Collee and the Beaver Brown Band fame (google it, it's hilarious) originally being chosen for the writing job. Must not be "Eddie and the Cruisers" fans.

Did you see "Ginger Snaps" and immediately get a crush on Katharine Isabelle? Then you're a sicko and you belong in jail! Anyway she's in a new film called "13 Eerie" and now that she's at a more respectable age you can go ahead and get all fluttery over her. The film is a trapped on and island zombie romp and stars a bunch of other people but you don't care about... sicko.

Lara Flynn Boyle will play a teen eating witch in a new horror/comedy titled "Black Forest: Hansel and Gretel & The 420 Witch". If you couldn't have guessed already the film tells the story of a witch who lures kids to her California home with a special blend of pot and then cooks them for dinner. I don't know why it's taken so long for Hollywood to combine the whimsical charm of children stories with the joy of pot smoking.

And lastly it's my sad duty to report that David Hess, star of films like "Last house on the Left" and "Smash Cut" passed away yesterday at the age of 69.

In Real People News: 

Here's a fun story about two women who were tossed out of a Baltimore area Walmart after they got into a
bleach fight. It's like some sort of white trash sequel to "Zoolander".

And because it makes me happy to make you uncomfortable here's a story about a guy who was arrested for possession of drugs when the police noticed a string hanging out of his anus that was tied to the bag of pot and cocaine he had shoved up his ass. Happy Columbus Day!

Horror Headlines: Monday February 21st, 2011

"Dead Island", the soon to be released open world video game that's super hot right now, has already had it's screen rights scooped up and the word around campus is a movie is inevitable. I'm sure by next month a sequel will already be announced and a hot new clothing line will be in stores. Can't wait.

Stephen Kay is the fella who brought you "Boogyman" and the "The Craigslist Killer" TV movie has a new flick coming out called "Isolation" and it's got a new trailer for your peepers. The clip features a hospital, some medical advice I'm fairly sure is inaccurate and a girl who looks like the girl from "Big Bang Theory". This all sounds like the perfect storm of awful.

If you had to name the most perfect cast ever imagined what would it be? WRONG! The correct answer is Kobe Bryant, Danny Trejo, Bruce Willis and Kanye West. Luckily for the world these guys are all in the new Robert Rodriguez short film titled "The Black Mamba". You're welcome, world.

"Errors of the Human Body" is the title of my video montage features photos of me from High School and also a new thriller about a scientist who does some creepy crap with fish or something. A bunch of new stills and poster for the flick has hit the nets and I don't know what to think. Please tell me.

In Real People News: 

Let this be a lessen to you fellas. Never dare your girlfriend to shoot you in the face, because there's a 95% chance she will. This woman in Florida did it and your wife or girlfriend will too. I promise you that. Deep down inside I have no doubt that she absolutely hates the look of your face.

Is it really considered a dine n dash if you leave behind your 12 year old daughter? I mean it was Bonefish Grill so I assume the bill was a little steep, fish aint cheap, people! Maybe she got an appetizer and should have left a second child or something. I don't know. All this crap seems to happen in Florida though.

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