Horror Headlines: Friday February 5th, 2009
Bloody Good Horror does a wonderful, fantastic job of covering all aspects of horror. Probably the best, if you ask me. But how come, when it comes to music coverage, it's always about these hacky, screaming, trashy neo-metal bands with names like Tabernackle Neckkrack, Pentagrim or MethDettle TKO? Is this really the ONLY kind of music that horror fans care about? C'mon... surely some of us enjoy the soothing sounds of Steely Dan or Jimmy Buffett, right? Does anyone else here just ever sink into a bean-bag and gel with the Kenny G Live album? I can't be the only one... can I? I mean, do all of you fall into that aural stereotype?
So, of course, the big news today is former Fangoria staffer James Zahn's loud 'n 'proud Facebook missive against his former employers. The major consensus is that he's just confirming what everyone figured about the behind-the-scenes of the magazine, but the real surprise, for me, at least? That Fangoria might have folded! The last issue I bought was about three months ago, after a two year hiatus; I was shocked by the $27 cover price and the 84-page tribute to Twilight. But, I gotta say, I loved the article entitled “Kane Hodder's 12-Minute Killer Ab Workout”. I lost five pounds! Thanks, Fango!
In Horrorhound Weekend news, it's been announced that at this March's Indy convention that the full, uncut version of Clive Barker's entertainingly silly "Nightbreed" will be screened for the first time ever. It sucks that I'll be missing it because I'm gonna be chugging Jim Beam while partying with about eight-to-ten BBWs in the BGH room's hot-tub. If you're reading this and you're a plus-size fox, well, you're fucking invited.
Susan “Bag 'Em and Tag 'Em” Sarandon's daughter, Eva “Godzilla Tits” Amurri has been gaining a bit of notoriety lately, especially after a saline-filled performance on Californication (whatever that is) and palling around with Olivia “Do You Like Me Yet?” Munn. She must be learning quite a bit from Munn, because she's going after your nerd-dollars now with a lead in "Isolation", a horror flick set in a... wait for it... hospital... and she has no memory how she got there! Oooh! I'm guessing she got there because of a botched boob-job. Speaking of botched boob-jobs, let's bet money now this goes straight to DVD. ZING.
Fuck paying for daycare. Yeah, I said it, but you know who's practicing it? Chen Chuanliu, a Chinese rickshaw driver who's been chaining his kid to a tree to keep him from being kidnapped by Oriental scoundrels! Ancient Chinese secret, huh? (GONG NOISE)
You know who shouldn't own cats? Goth kids. If they don't kill them by subjecting them to endless hours of tuneless Siouxsie Sioux drivel, there they go, piercing their l'il kitty ears and making them wear “Team Edward” shirts because daddy didn't loan them the Family Truckster to go and smoke Cloves down behind the Circle K. Fuckin' Goths. Really.
A Canadian restaurant is actually inviting patrons to have dirty sex in their unisex bathrooms. The restaurant's name? “Waiter! There's A Hair In My...Oh, Nevermind.”
In 1917, the current constitution of Mexico was adopted, establishing a federal republic with powers separated into independent executive, legislative, and judicial branches. Naturally, we celebrated by eating tacos and shooting our pistolas into the air.