Horror Headlines: Friday January 4th, 2013
First Friday of 2013! What's on tap? We should go to one of those indoor water parks. Wouldn't that be fun? I swear to god if you laugh at my man boobs though I will slap the taste out of your mouth.
I get my young starlets mixed up a lot but I'm fairly sure Ashley Tisdale has either made a porn, had nude phone pics of her leaked, or bedded one of the Kardashian sisters. Whatever it was we can all discuss it in length on a soon to be recorded podcast because the former Disney gal has been added to the cast of "Left Behind". The film focuses on a group of people who are left on earth after big JC takes all his followers up with him to heaven. A-Dale (I just made that up) will play Nic Cage's daughter in the film. I assume Cage ends up being Jesus. It would just be silly if something else happened.
Despite my hatred of all things not-English I actually liked Spanish filmmaker Alex De La Iglesia's 2010 weird ass flick "The Last Circus". So I am kind of excited to learn about his next project titled "Witching and Bitching" which follows a group of robbers being hunted down by a group of witches. I'll be honest I was sold on title alone. I just pray this one has a lot less chubby-man ass in it.
I had no idea that "Mimesis: Night of the Living Dead" was a thing but apparently it's going to hit DVD and Blu-Ray on February 12th. For the rest of you who had no idea about the film either, it follows a group of strangers who are brought to a house for what they think is a big horror fan event and find themselves trapped in a real life recreation of the classic 1968 Romero classic. The important thing here is that I now know what "mimesis" means.
I can't imagine anyone is looking forward to the new Halle Berry flick "The Hive," but if you are you should know that the title has changed to "The Call" and will see the light of day on March 25th. The bright spot here is that the film is being directed by "Session 9" main man Brad Anderson. The dark spot is that it's being put out by WWE films so there will most likely be a Stone Cold cameo. Alright fine, I'll admit it, that's a bright spot also.
Holy mother of god: Here's a story about a Florida guy who attacked and raped a miniature horse. In the same state that you can have a buffet breakfast with Mickey Mouse? What the hell is wrong with people.
An Ohio stripper is in critical condition after she fell off of a balcony while giving a lap dance. I know I'm thinking the same thing as you are. There's a two story strip club in Ohio? There's finally an actual reason to visit that godawful state.