xbox live

Games: "Amy", survival horror at it's best or worst?

"Amy" hit XBOX Live yesterday. From what I've seen, it's an entire game built around an escort mission where you have to protect a little girl. Mixing stealth with limited, "realistic" combat, all wrapped in a survival horror game's clothing. At only 800 points it might be worth it? On the other hand, I can't think of one time ever when I enjoyed an escort mission, or little children in a game... so, there's that.

Horror Headlines: Friday February 4th, 2011

If you're like me and had a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis then when you were a kid then you probably owned the game "Zombies Ate My Neighbors". So you're going to be super excited that there's going to be a movie made out of the game. You're then going to also think back to how you were overweight, had acne, wore way too many Metallica t-shirts and couldn't get a girlfriend until college. It's OK to cry, I am.

For those of you giddy about "The Walking Dead" then you're probably going to waddle your chubby ass to the store on march 8th when Season 1 hits DVD and Blu-Ray. Well put down the McRib fat ass and enjoy this new DVD trailer in honor of the release. I have no idea why I'm calling everyone fat, I've run out of other sarcastic things.

If there's one thing that's a good time it's making fun of people who World of Warcraft, sorry Erin. But now Undead Labs has teamed up with Microsoft to build a new zombie franchise game that will be available on Xbox Live for the Xbox 360. The game will allow gamers to play out their sickest fantasies of what they would do in a zombie apocalypse. They're currently calling the game "Class3" but I assume that will change by the time it comes out.

As much as it pains me to keep talking about "Drive Angry" I just can't stop. Here's a new NSFW video for the film that literary has a half a second shot of boobs for no reason whatsoever other than to make it a NSFW clip. "Not Safe For Work"? More like "No Stupid Freakin Way"! I'm still working on it.

In Real People News: 

Aliens have invaded Jerusalem my friends, get your guns and prepare for the intergalactic war. Video has popped up on the tubes of what some are calling a spaceship coming down and hovering over a temple in the holy land. But let's not think about it, there's video on the internet, that's proof enough for me to demand we launch the missiles.

My favorite part of Valentines Day? And I only say this in the hopes my wife is reading this, but those tiny little heart shaped candies with adorable messages on them. They're so tasty! But I never got one like this girl in Califnornia who picked a winner that said "Nice Tits". That's a keeper, you don't just eat a message like that.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday June 1st, 2010

If you were one of the few people that were still concerned over the whereabouts of Jill Valentine in "Resident Evil: Afterlife", fear not; a new teaser poster confirms that Sienna Guillory will be returning to the role.

Indie films draw inspiration from odd places but "Last Supper: The Russelville Hacksaw Murders" takes the cake. Based on a line of dialog from John Carpenter's original "Halloween", the movie is about Charlie Bowles, a respected Russelville theater owner who decides to go nuts on the town.

Shannon Doherty isn't letting her early loss on "Dancing With the Stars" hold her down. The actress has now named her next project, the animated web series entitled "Mari-Kari" for FearNET.

This weekend director Guillermo Del Toro announced that he will be stepping away from the "Hobbit" films. For the story's genre slant, the director will be concentrating on a US Remake of "The Orphanage" and is rumored to be looking at "In The Mountains of Madness" as his next project.

Xbox Live fans, keep your eyes peeled on the Arcade this summer as they prepare to bring us possibly the greatest zombie cross over ever. This summer will see the release of RISK: Factions. The first faction we'll be facing off against in classic RISK game play? Zombies of course.

In Real People News: 

Bangladeshi prostitutes have been discovered to be taking a cattle based steroid called Oradexon to make themselves more competitive in the 800 girl strong brothels. Facing many clients a day, the girls feel that the cattle steroid makes them stronger for the days work as well as making them bigger since Bangladeshi men seem to favor large women.

Daly City policemen go searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack as they try and track down who was selling tainted drugs at the local Cow Palace Rave which left 1 person dead and 5 others in critical condition. At last count, they know of at least 70 people selling drugs on site that night.

On this day in history: 

2001 - In just two minutes, Nepal's royal family is nearly exterminated by one of its own. With a selection of machine guns, Crown Prince Dipendra massacres eight relatives, including King Birendra and Queen Aishwarya. He then turns the gun on himself. Even though Dipendra winds up comatose in a hospital bed, a government council crowns him king anyway. The new monarch dies three days later.

XBOX Live Netflix Movie Parties Coming Soon!

The New Xbox Experience (NXE) was shipped with the promise of all of these amazing features, many of which were sadly absent from the first iteration. Although there are many more to come, a lot of these features will be popping up for "selected users" next week, including the one I'm most excited about, Movie Parties on Netflix!

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