uwe boll

I've never really understood what "presented by" means in a movie but this Italian zombie flick is "Presented by Uwe Boll". Which kind of got me excited because the film doesn't look half bad and everything is in Italian so you can't tell if the acting is awful or not. Pluses all around. Sure the plot isn't the most original, a couple of guys trying to solve the mystery of why the rest of the world has been turned into zombies, but hey like I said it's "Presented by Uwe Boll".

Diablo Cody has decided she likes the horror genre. In a recent press junket, she talked about her plans to produce an upcoming TV series, "Breathers: A Zombies Lament".

Uwe Boll fans can rest easy. The director has announced his return to horror with the announcement for "Bloodyrayne 3: Warhammer". This news leads many horror fans to exclaim, 'There was a second "Bloodrayne"'?

Late last year it was reported that the next "Resident Evil" film would be pushed until 2011. News this weekend reports that whatever issues the film had have been resolved and it's now back on track for a 2010 release.

There's a French zombie flick in the works known as "The Horde". Judging from their new one sheet, the movie will feature both people with guns, and zombies.

Stills from "Piranha 2". If you want my advice, stop after the bikini one, because the next shot is a dried up old Richard Dreyfuss. That won't be good for anyone.

Stop the presses, it's time for "The Toxic Avenger 5: The Toxic Twins". Ok, it's only a promo poster that debuted at this week's American Film Market, but it means that development has come along farther than it has in a long while. Lloyd Kaufman is attached to direct (as usual). That just made my week.

Look out everybody, Eric's got a new favorite movie! A year after "Postal" made me so angry I almost quit the internet comes the US release of "Far Cry", Uwe Boll's adaptation of the hit video game with the same. How's it look? Christ how do you think? A majority of the cast seems to have issues with the English language so we're already one foot in the gutter. Or das gutter as Uwe would put it, I think. But to balance that out the guy who played Eddie in both "Eddie and the Cruisers" movies is in this. So I think we're good...

Ridley Scott, one of the most overrated directors of all time—yeah, I said it—has signed on to direct the prequel to “Alien”. The original movie made him famous and allowed him to direct such “classics” as “Legend” and “White Squall”. Even though writer Jon Spaihts is currently writing the screenplay, I've used my crystal ball, nicknamed “common sense”, and read the screenplay already: spaceship encounters the alien, alien gets into the ducts, the lights go out, the spaceship's inhabitants are offed one by one and a lone woman survivor takes him down. There, I saved you $10, two hours and countless wasted high hopes.

HBO's “True Blood”, or, as it really should be called, “Twilight for Adults”, has been renewed for a third season. That's at least six more weeks of shower-nozzle masturbation fantasies for the ladies!!!

Geez, it's been a while since we've heard anything from director Uwe Boll, hasn't it? Boll, one of the most underrated directors of all time, and better than Ridley Scott—yeah, I said it—has a new film in the works called “Rampage”, that looks like a deadly serious version of “Postal”, and we all know how much I loved “Postal”. Still, with Boll doing original material, doesn't it make you wistful for the good ol' days when he was just doing one video game adaptation after another? If there was ever a director to make a movie called “Minesweeper”, it would have been him.

What you are about to hear is the sound of the entire crew losing all the respect they had left for me.