Reese Witherspoon

Horror Headlines: Friday, December 16th, 2011

I've had a frozen pumpkin pie sitting in my freezer for over two years now and on Christmas I plan on finally eating it. There's a 75% chance I'll become violently ill, which is ok because I could stand to lose a few pounds. Either way I win.

"Gone" sounds like the worst idea for a movie ever imagined. A girl comes home to find her sister missing and is convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her 2 years ago has returned. The best ending for this would be that she just went out for ice cream. But hey, Amanda Seyfried is in it and there's some new posters with her on them. So we should probably see it. You know, to help the economy or whatever.

Dario Argento's "Dracula 3D" has got a new trailer today but I should warn you, it's chock full of spoilers. I should also warn you that it's a new Dario Argento movie so you know it's not good and stuff. I should also warn you that I get very emotional around the holidays so you may have to put up with some random sobbing over the next couple of weeks.

I'm going to come right out and say it, I find Reese Witherspoon adorable. She seems so nice and I'd let her babysit my child in a heartbeat. I know she'd be good at it. And now she's been cast in "The Devil's Knot". A film that sounds like a gay porn but is actually the true life story of The West Memphis Three, a story about 3 teens who were wrongly accused of the murder of three 8-year-old boys. I'm pretty sure this isn't a romantic comedy.

Hot diggity dog! Here's a couple of posters for "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter", a movie based on the book with a title that should give you a pretty good idea of what the movie is about. Did that sentence confuse you? It's like a strange riddle, isn't it? I wrote it and then fell to the floor and convulsed for about 15 minutes.

In Real People News: 

Two things you should never do at McDonald's. Fall asleep there and look at child pornography on your laptop. And for the love of god you should never do those two things together like this guy from Indiana. Of course you should probably never do that first one anywhere.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

Joe's going to hate this.

Podcast

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web