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Horror Headlines: Friday December 18th, 2009

Well hello there. Louis here, back for Fowler Fridays, the special little crumb I get here on BGH. I was originally planning on not making my return until the first of the the new year, because, well, next week is Christmas and I don't know if we'll be doing the news or not. I'm gonna venture on not. And, then the week after that, it's New Year's Day. Where will I be getting my ego-boosting Internet-attention from??? If not for you guys, I'd be in a constant fetal position, using my arm as a tear-soaked pillow.

The big news of the day? Genre screenwriter Dan O'Bannon is dead. Sure, he's most famous for coming up with Alien, writing Lifeforce and directing Return of the Living Dead, but, for me, his best work was Total Recall. My favorite scene? When Sharon Stone tells Arnold not to shoot her in the head because they're “married”, but he shoots her anyway and says “Consider that the divorce!”. I hope to use that line one day, preferably when I shoot my wife.

Laurence Fishburne has joined the cast of Robert Rodriguez's upcoming Predators. I still await the news that he's been cast as Butterball in my urban remake of Hellraiser, affectionately title Black Hellraiser. “He's Pinhead's Black Soul Brother! A screamin' demon rages inside, turnin' him into Black Pinhead! Don't give him no sass or he'll kick yo' ass! Rated R! Under 17… bring yo' mama, she'll like it too!”

In Real People News: 

A new study finds that the chemicals in plastics are altering the brains of males, making them “more feminine”. Maybe that explains why all the grown men in my Twitter are constantly going on about the Goddamned Muppets.

According to a source close to Angelina Jolie, she “hates” Obama. And, suddenly, I really like Angelina Jolie.

A pair of lovable pugs feast on their owner's body when the douchebag cry-baby committed suicide. Good for those pugs! If you are the type of loser to give up and commit suicide, at least have the decency to give your pets to someone to watch. In other news, those dogs now have the insatiable craving for blood.

On this day in history: 

In 1996, the Oakland school board recognizes “Ebonics” as an official language. We wish you a Merry Kwanzaa and a happy failed public-school education!

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