THE INSATIABLE IRONBABE: Avenginas...assemble!

THE INSATIABLE IRONBABE
Starring Darian Caine, Jackie Stevens, Kerri Taylor
Directed by John Bacchus
Seduction Cinema
Review by Louis Fowler

You know what IRON MAN was missing?

Well, to be honest, not much, but if you answered “full-blown simulated lesbian interludes”, then I guess you win, because IRON MAN was missing that in spades. It didn't didn't have any. Zero. You couldn't masturbate to it if you tried.

Thankfully, Seduction Cinema's THE INSATIABLE IRONBABE rectifies this, casting comely Jackie Stevens (Seduction's best discovery since Julian Wells) as billionaire sex-toy industrialist, um, Horny Fark, who, true to her name, loves to get it on with a wide variety of sexy ladies. Try to top that Robert Downey, Jr.!

Wait, no, please don't...

On a trip to the International Adult Toy Fair, where Horny demonstrates the latest in Fark Technologies hardware, such as the Vibranium 9000 (a vibrator that slices through steel), the Fark Diaphragm (which is bullet-proof) and, my favorite, the self-explanatory Solar-Powered Anal Love Beads, she's kidnapped by terrorists and forced to build a nuclear-powered sex doll. She awakes with a giant electro-magnet in her vagina, of course, and 24 hours to build the doll. Instead, she decides to build a suit to escape...but only after having some hot lesbian sex with her cell-mate. First things first, I suppose.

Using materials in the terrorist's warehouse, she builds her prototype suit, made out of cardboard boxes—budget-conscience and funny—and smashes her way through to freedom. Escaping, she vows to “boink” everyone she meets and heads back to America; in the spirit of her new goodwill, she also decides to no longer make sex toys for the solo user, instead only making toys for couples-only use.

A noble cause, indeed, but not one her vice-president, Obgyn Stain (tee hee), after driving the company to bankruptcy with items like the “cactus dildo” and edible panties that taste like broccoli, is in agreement with. In fact, she's been in bed—literally—with the terrorists all along, driving Horny to make a new suit of armor that doubles as a sex toy and is propelled through the air by a helium-filled blow-up doll. Sexy hilarity ensues, for the most part.

When you fast-forward through the sex scenes, you're really only left with maybe thirty minutes of actual movie (and this one has about an hour-twenty running time). It's real important that the jokes in those thirty minutes work and here and, wow, they really do—I'm looking at you Jersey City Community College, five foot Ben-Wa ball and “My face seats two!” I laughed out loud quite a few times.

If you look at it that way, THE INSATIABLE IRONBABE works on two levels: as tepid masturbation material (and that's kinda sad) and as one long, mostly funny dirty joke. I'll take the dirty joke every time. But, for you comic book fans with a burning need to see your favorite heroes gender-switched and switch-hitting, then grease up your pistons and enjoy.

Louis

Contributor

Louis Fowler is a pop culture critic who is a frequent contributor to Bookgasm, Exploitation Retrospect, Bloody Good Horror, Paracinema Magazine, Carbon 14, Pop Syndicate and The Hungover Gourmet. He's also had pieces featured in mags like Hitch, Scars, Okay Magazine, Eyeball and Microcinema Scene. He has written for such newspapers as the Fort Collins NOW, Rocky Mountain Chronicle, Rocky Mountain Bullhorn and the Colorado Springs Independent.

He's also the award-winning host of DAMAGED Hearing, Tuesdays at 1 PM, MST, on 88.9 KRFC-FM in Fort Collins, CO.

He wears husky jeans.

On the Web