urban legends

Trailers: Oh. EM. GEE. IT'S HATCHET 3!!

HI EVERYBODY! (This needs to be read in a Simpson-esque Dr. Nick voice. Otherwise, it just totally doesn't work). It is I, your Connoisseur of Crap, returning from yet another extended hiatus. No, this time, the guys didn't "forget" they had locked me in the basement; I've just been recovering from some surgeries. You don't really know "exhausted" until you're just too damn tired to watch horror movies and make sarcastic comments on the interwebs. Luckily for you, coinciding with my triumphant return is a return of another kind: Everyone's favorite misunderstood swamp-dwelling, hatchet-wielding, slightly deformed, yet oh-so-lovable maniac, Victor Crowley (who is again played by the towering Kane Hodder of Friday the 13th fame) is back for another gore soaked swamp-romp in HATCHET 3!

Hide and Go Kill (REVIEW)

Enough. No more ripoffs of “The Ring”. I know horror is a super-cyclical genre and that success begets imitation, but “The Ring” is thirteen years old. There is absolutely nothing new or original that can be done with that template. No more snowy TVs (seriously, do TVs even do that anymore?). No more creepy ghost girls with hair covering their face. No more cursed videotapes (or internet videos, or text messages, or voicemails or telegrams). It’s all been beaten into the ground at least ten times over.

Retro Trailer: "Lovers Lane" (1999)

In celebration of the upcoming Valentine's Day holiday, I thought we'd take a look at a movie that reflects the true meaning of the holiday: blood and guts and crazy people. The movie "Lovers Lane" takes the plot of an old urban legend we've all heard before and turns it into a slasher flick. An escaped mental patient with a hook in place of his hand, returns to a town 13 years after he murdered lovers lane sweethearts to continue his reign of terror on unsuspecting teens. Watch for Anna Faris as a cheerleader!

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