Shawn Levy

Horror Headlines: Monday, June 17th, 2012

Imagine Entertainment has their beady little eyes set on a new version of George Orwell’s "1984" and has already tapped Noah Oppenheim to pen the script. For those of you not familiar with the book it's kind of like that show "Big Brother" but with more torture and less HOH competitions.

"Monster Problems" sounds like a movie that should have an awesome theme song. Not many movies have theme songs anymore though huh? Oh man remember the 80's?! Well maybe it will have a theme song. And maybe a Shawn Levy will dance around in the video because he's just been added to the cast of the post-apocalyptic road trip love story film. I hope Kenny Loggins sings the song.

Edward James Olmos, more than any other person, made me want to learn math. I'm not going to explain why. You should already know. Well now he's going to make me want to.. I don't know, move to Mexico maybe? Because he's joined the cast of Robert Rodriguez's "Machete Kills". He makes me want to learn Spanish also. I feel like that would be useful.

I'm starting to think that "Mad Max: Fury Road" is actually happening because Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of prancing around in her underthings fame has just been added to the cast. In her own words she's playing one of "five women being taken from one place to another place". Sounds riveting. Put that crap on a poster man.

In Real People News: 

A different Ohio man is in jail after he was caught having sex with a teddy bear in public... for the second time. Nice try Ohio, you had me for a second there.

An Ohio man is in jail after a judge tossed him in the slammer for showing up to court in saggy jeans. Ohio, every once in a while you get it right.

Horror Headlines: Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Am I the only one who goes into a fit of rage anytime he sees Eddie Van Halen on TV? Sure David Lee Roth is more annoying but Eddie... Eddie's always got that stupid smug look on his face. Oh I hate those tiny little chicklet teeth he flashes.

If you're waiting for Shawn Levy's new "Frankenstein" movie then I've got some bad news for you. The good people at Fox have decided to pass on the project based on the fact that the budget was looking to be upwards of $80 million. This sounds like a giant mistake to me. When you get the guy who made "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" you give him any amount he wants and just watch the magic unfold.

"The Thing" remake's Mary Elizabeth Winstead looks to be teaming up with "The Last Exorcism" director Daniel Stamm for a new film called "The Darkness". Winstead will play a girl babysitting her tutor's two children in a large mansion that looks to be haunted. Do you think they'll play that "I Believe In a Thing Called Love" Song during the opening credits? I hope so, that tune is always fun.

Glenn Close, Elizabeth Olsen and Tom Felton (or as I like to call them the dream team) are all confirmed for roles in Therese Raquin, a new film about a wife who murders her sickly husband with her lover so they can be together. Oh but the husband comes back to haunt them. Just like I'd do if I ever get murdered by my wife. You reading this, honey!? I'll get you!

If you liked "The Woman in Black", and I did, then you might be giddy to find out that hammer Films has picked up the rights to "Gaslight" a new Jack the Ripper film which is said to be a mix of "From Hell" and "Silence Of the Lambs". You liked both of those movies didn't you? Or at least 1? That's 50%! I can confirm you'll love 50% of this movie.

In Real People News: 

Well this is just sad. A British swingers club may be forced to shut down due to complaints from neighbors that the parties are too loud. Lets all pray that these deviants can come to some sort of agreement. Maybe use ball gags after 9pm? That should help keep things quite.

Ever wonder if those guys at the airport even actually pay attention to what you put in the little bin to be scanned? Wonder no more. They do. Just ask this guy from Chicago who tried to get 5 bags of weed through.

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