jurassic park

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 9th, 2013

Eric here, filling in for Joe again. Seriously, if we actually paid him he'd be fired by now...

Stop the presses, you mean to tell me that Gary Oldman and Kerri Russel are both in "Dawn of the Planet of the apes"??? There's also a full official synopsis at the link but I think we all know I've given you the important news... that you probably already knew. I should do this every day.

"Jurassic Park 4" has been pushed to "a later date" according to Universal, who declined to elaborate on exactly what that means. This gives me more time to watch the sequels, of which I have seen zero. I have seen "Carnosaur" though, which isn't canon but I think counts anyway.

The guys who brought you the Walking Dead game last year that was actually good, Telltale Games, are working on a game based on a werewolf comic book adaptation next. Here's hoping I don't have to make the choice of whether or not I have enough food to feed the small children in my care. That pretty much put me off that game for good. It was too real man, too real...

I haven't taken an informal poll on this, but am I the only person that loved "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"? Either way, Dominic Cooper, who played a smooth talking vampire friend to Honest Abe in that film has signed on to another vampire film, Universal's "Dracula". You know, the one that isn't actually about Dracula, instead focusing on the Vlad the Impaler mythos. Either way, I hope there's an axe with silver melted onto it. (does anyone even get that reference??)

In Real People News: 

"My husband draws the line at having sex with a troll mask on" Joe tells me this all the time. I don't know why he can't just open his heart.

Have you guys heard about the giant, meningitis carrying, African snails invading Florida? If you're into stomach churning news articles, this subject is for you.

Ever wonder what an X-ray of a harpoon that went into someone's head looks like? No? Then definitely do not click on that link. Seriously. Don't.

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 25th, 2010

If you're lucky and say your prayers every night this week, Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza's stylish creeper "[Rec] 2" might find its way into a theater near you on July 9th. Surprisingly, Magnolia will be handling distribution this time around. Good for them.

Do you like dinosaurs? Do you like comic books based on Spielberg movies? If so, you're in luck. IDW Publishing and Universal are plotting to unleash a series of comics based on the "Jurassic Park" franchise onto the masses this June. Personally, I'm waiting for the pop-up books. Ah, Piatnitzkysaurus!

While everyone else and their kinky grandmother is attending HorrorHound Weekend, I will be sitting quietly in my living room, staring blankly at the June 7th release date for Noboru Iguchi's Japanese gore epic "RoboGeisha" I've marked on my 2010 Adorable Kittens calendar. Can you tell I'm pretty excited about this one? I thought so.

You know what's fishy about the launch of the official "Piranha 3D" website? No trailer. In fact, there's not a single promotional clip to be found anywhere on the page. If the studio wants me to stay interested until August 27th, they'd better deliver a theatrical trailer in HD post-haste. Pretty please. With Elizabeth Shue.

In Real People News: 

If suffering the frigid temperatures wasn't torture enough, residents of St. Petersburg, Russian are struggling to avoid being impaled by enormous icicles falling from the sky. The descending debris has already claimed the lives of five people.

The next time you get into an argument with your ex-girlfriend, try jumping out of the moving vehicle you're sharing at the time. If she comes back, it's true love. If not, roll onto the shoulder so you don't cause an accident. And stop being so selfish all the time. Sheesh.

On this day in history: 

1988 - "Preppie murderer" Robert E. Chambers Jr. pleads guilty to first-degree manslaughter.

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