halloween 3

Horror Headlines: Monday June 20th, 2011

There's nothing more fun than nutso clowns battling each other to the death is there? Well "The Last Circus" is here to make all your wildest dreams come true and today there's a red band trailer for the big top blood bath. The film revolves around a love triangle between a sad clown, a trapeze artist and her abusive happy clown husband. Sounds like what Cirque du Soleil would be if it was tolerable.

Get in line now kids because on October 26, 2012 "Halloween 3" will hit the theaters! No director has been picked for the third installment of the much debated Rob Zombie reboot but there's little to no chance Robbie will have anything to do with it. Which is good for haters of the first two but really bad for lovers of slow motion pan shots set to crappy 70's cover songs. Correction: Patrick Lussier will direct "Halloween 3D". You can go back to planning your next D&D gathering in your mom's basement now.

I was pretty down on the "Conan the Barbarian" remake for a long time but since watching Jason Momoa, who will play Conan, on "Game of Thrones" I've become more and more fired up. Now there's a new red band trailer and TV spot for the remake and I think I'm going to run out and get myself a loin cloth and sword. Once I get those I can really focus on getting washboard abs and being cast in the sequel.

"The House at the End of the Street" has been kicking around for a while now and as of today it looks like the film will finally see the light of day on April 20th of next year, yes that's 4/20 you filthy hippies. The movie stars Jennifer Lawrence and Elizabeth Shue as a mother daughter combo (try to guess which is which) that move into a house where a family was mysteriously murdered and begin to uncover the community's spooky secrets. It's Shue who plays the mother, that Lawrence girl is like 20, people. I wish you'd think before you answer sometimes.

In Real People News: 

Police in New York are investigating what they think might have been a suicide of a woman after she let her pet Black Mamba bite her. I can honestly think of no worse way to off myself thean by letting a snake have at me. I've said it before and I will say it again, snakes are the worst things ever invented and serve no purpose in this beautiful world we live in.

A woman in Florida is under arrested after she reportedly urinated off a pier, smacked a kid that wasn't her own and then tried to run down the same kid along with her own two toddlers. Why did she do all this? Because she downed a box of wine and 2 Mike's Hard Lemonades of course. I'm pretty sure that was kind of obvious though.

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