George R.R. Martin

Horror Headlines: Monday October 31st, 2011

Ti West sounds like a rapper's name and for that reason I hate him. Now that we've gotten that out of the way here's the latest trailer for the directors new movie "The Innkeepers". The story revolves around two innkeepers who are determined to prove their inn is haunted before it closes its doors after being open for 100 years. It wouldn't hurt to toss in some bling and girls in booty shorts Ti. I'm just saying.

Norway is so hot right now. Not literally, I bet it's cold as hell over there right now. If you need proof just check out the trailer for "Dunderland" a new flick from the great fjords that follows a group of actors as they uncover the witchy secrets of an old abandoned Boy Scout camp. And by "Boy Scout" I assume they mean trolls because we all know Norway is 75% troll and 35% black metal fans. That's just simple math.

George R. R. Martin, author of "Games of Thrones", has made it ok for grown men to run around dressed up like they work at Medieval Times and not be mocked. For that I am pretty disappointed in him. But I love the show and in turn I am now excited to see that his book series "Wild Cards", which shows the effects of a alien virus outbreak in NYC, will be coming to the big screen.

If you're excited for the next installment of "The Chronicles of Riddick" series then you might be in trouble. Production on the film has been shut down in Montreal because One Race Films, which is owned by star Vin Diesel, have failed to pay for the studio where the film is being shot. If I was Vin I could blow something up then look at the camera and say "Check's in the mail" in a real bad ass voice. What am I saying, Vin Diesel only has one voice, bad ass.

In Real People News: 

I think it's great when you take pride in your job. Yes, these two Dominos employees broke the law when they went over to Papa John's and torched the place but still, you got to admire their dedication to making hot fresh delicious pizza and destroying all who appose them. You got to.

Sometimes you have to take drastic actions when your old lady denies you money to go out drinking with the fellas. I'm not sure dousing her with gasoline and lighting her pillow on fire is the rout you should really go, but I have an ATM card and I've never run into the problem so I can't really say.

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