don't stick your penis in that

Horror Headlines: Thursday May 21st, 1009

Bruce Willis to star in "Grimm", a ghost story with one of the longest synopses I've ever seen... which can be found at the link. Directed by Russel Mulcahey, who also helmed 2007's "Resident Evil: Extinction".

Lars Von Trier's controversial film "Antichrist" has been picked up by IFC films. Hot off the controversy it caused at Cannes with its graphic violence, the film will now be coming to US shores as early as this summer. No word on what type of release IFC will give the film, but they are known for non-traditional theatrical/on demand models.

New Platinum Dunes blog on their "Nightmare on Elm St." shooting. Of course they're going to be positive, but word is that Jackie Earle Haley's rendition of Krueger is just as kick-ass as most of us have anticipated. Don't get me wrong, I'm still withholding excitement, but consider my curiosity peaked.

In Real People News: 

Two seasonal workers at Yellowstone National park fired for pissing in Old Faithful. Not sure what's more intriguing about this, the fact that they didn't think there were security cameras, or that they took the safety of their penises so nonchalantly. That thing goes off while you're dangling your dong over it, and I'm pretty certain it won't be pretty.

Never cheat on a Thai woman, I'm told they're penis biters. At least that's what the internet tells me.

I'm not sure how we've had two "Montauk Monsters" wash up on Long Island shores before someone decided to mention the existence of the nearby "Plum Island Animal Disease Center". Even more perplexing, the couple who found the recent one have kept it on ice, and are having trouble finding someone to take it off their hands. Scientists love ripping shit apart to find out what it is, but no love for my boy?

On this day in history: 

1956: The Cherokee test of Operation Redwing commences over Bikini Atoll, consisting of a 3.8 megaton nuclear bomb dropped from a B-52 bomber. The bomb is successfully detonated at an altitude of 4,350 feet, but the flight crew missed their assigned target by four miles. Although it is a complete failure from a scientific standpoint, it demonstrates America's ability to deliver hydrogen bombs over long distances.

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 12th, 2009

Spanish director Juan Carlos Fresnadillo will be directing a remake of the 1963 Roger Corman flick "X: The Man with the X Ray Eyes". Never seen it myself, but as long as it doesn't turn out like "Hollowman" I'll be happy. Fresnadillo, for his part, directed the recent "28 Weeks Later".

Alex Proyas, director of "I, Robot", really hates FOX. He's so bitter over their tinkering and ridiculous orders (jokes! jokes! jokes!) that he's actually warning filmmakers off of working with them, and apparently, telling CHUD all about it. It's good to at least have a director speaking out about this. How is it that the studio that released "Meet Dave", "Space Chimps", "What Happens in Vegas", "27 Dresses" and "Jumper" ALL IN THE SAME YEAR is still allowed to make movies? I think it's time for someone to break out the "bad monkey stick".

Here's a look at some hi-res stills for "Lesbian Vampire Killers". And yes, all the red blooded males are probably going to want to click on that.

Planning on attending this year's Tribeca Film Festival in New York? Here's the midnight screening schedule, where they put all the genre films airing at the fest.

In Real People News: 

Horse bites off man's wiener. Somewhere right now, Eric Cartman is celebrating his victory.

Chinese woman has "howled" through the streets of her hometown for 26 years. Residents of the small town are used to it, claiming she's something like an "air alarm". Oh China, doesn't anything surprise you anymore?

Yorkshire is being overrun with massive colonies of rats, and yet all I can think of when I read this story is "The Rat King" from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Go figure.

On this day in history: 

1888: The massive and unexpected Blizzard of 1888 strikes the East coast of the United States, paralyzing New York and many other cities and leaving at least 400 dead. Snowdrifts fifty feet high were reported, and New York received over 40 inches of snow.

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