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Horror Headlines: Friday June 12th, 2009

Megan Fox tells MTV that Jonah Hex is going to be amazing. She also says that blah blah blah God damn she's hot.

More pics from Rob Zombie's "Halloween 2". I only post them because the director's cut of "Halloween" is our topic for discussion next week on the podcast, so I have to subject myself to it this weekend. I'm currently devising ways to try and stop the pain while it's playing. Suggestions welcome.

First stills from the Woody Harrelson zombie comedy "Zombieland", or as I like to call it, "a probably fun film that will most assuredly be the official zombie jumping the shark moment when historians look back to this time".

Marcus Nispel officially has the job directing the "Conan" remake. This has Schnaars really broken up, he was really hoping Brett Ratner would get the job.

Some bloody "Piranha 3D" pics. I'm marginally excited for this. I would say "really excited", but let's not forget that "Mirrors" wasn't supposed to be the funniest film of last year. It's hard to tell what will happen when Aja actually tries to be funny... he is French after all.

Neil Marshall is reportedly in talks to direct the "Predators" sequel for Robert Rodriguez. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find my head because it just blew straight off my fucking shoulders.

In Real People News: 

Guy's arm gets cut off in bakery machine, employers make him work the rest of the day. When authorities finally found out, it was too late to attach the arm. Looks like someone's got some 'splainin to do.

I'm not an expert in human relations, but I'm guessing if you don't want to get your ass kicked by a cop, saying to them "fuck you pig, I'll shit all over you too. I'm going to throw shit in your mouth!" probably isn't the best way to achieve your goal.

Couple who missed downed Air France flight killed in car crash. You can't say Tony Todd didn't warn them in an unreasonably creepy voice.

On this day in history: 

1994: Nicole Brown Simpson and her male friend Ronald Goldman are savagely murdered in front of Simpson's condominium complex in Brentwood, California. The most plausible suspect turns out to be Nicole's estranged husband O.J., who is arrested for the crime a month later. We all pretty much know what happened after that.

Elisabeth Shue Signs On "Piranha 3-D", My Dreams

If I have one complained about “Leaving Las Vegas” it’s that the film wasn’t in 3-D. You see it’s the film that Elisabeth Shue warmed her way into my cold little heart and I always thought her hooker in love shtick would have come across a lot better in full blown 3-D. Sure some people will argue that she was adorable in “The Karate Kid” and “Adventures in Babysitting” but I say pish posh to that. Neither of those filmed featured a hooking Shue running around topless while a drunken Nicolas Cage drinks himself into oblivion.

Mirrors (REVIEW)

Bloated as it is with cliche, Alexandre Aja's "Mirrors" really doesn't require much of a synopsis. The film's very core — haphazardly constructed around the fleeting existential angst one feels when looking into a mirror — is worn so thin, so quickly that it is rendered ridiculous almost from the outset. A remake of a 2003 South Korean film, "Mirrors"'s one true virtue is that it provides a glimpse of what other J-horror fare might be like had it been gore-ed up for an R-rating.

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This week we discuss alchemy, camera technology, a first time guest host joins the show, and we review "As Above, So Below".  

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