The Last Witch Hunter (Movie Review)
Sometimes movies are incoherent, but fun. They concoct a mess of a plot that can lead to a sense of blissful bewilderment as you are swept up in the bedlam. Once in a while, a movie can make you love it in spite of yourself because of the joy and excitement imbued in every frame. This is not that kind of movie.
Vin Diesel’s Kaulder is The Last Witch Hunter. He is cursed with immortality by the witch queen in her final moments. He now lives in the present, covertly working for the church in the secret world of witches and worlocks as the only barrier between our world and theirs. This is a film starring Vin Diesel wearing a foot long braided beard, Michael Caine, Elijah Wood playing a priest, and Rose Leslie of Game of Thrones fame making potions and sexy eyes at our hero. This movie is ripe for a light hearted, high-octane, thrill ride. Conversely what’s on screen is dull and tiresome. Kaulder is a man out of time; so is this movie. In a world where you can build an entire fantasy world with CG, this movie prefers to give us information through dialogue on a bench. This is not in Mr. Diesel’s wheelhouse.
The sad thing is that this film wants to give us something original but just can’t muster enough charm to make it happen. In a world where nearly all films are based on obscure 80's cartoons or sequels, this could be a new and interesting premise. Man, does this film want to world-build. It wants to teach us all about all the crazy ideas it has. Ideas by the way, in a better film, might have been memorable and interesting. Unfortunately, none of them pay off as every ounce of elation is swallowed by the black hole of explanatory dialogue droned at us from the monotone of Vin Diesel. This drags the film to its final, dense, expository heavy, demise. What should have been enjoyable and filled with competent CG creatures and violence is nothing more than a buildup of a world no one can possibly care about and then lays the pay-off squarely on the shoulders of wooden and tedious characters.
The Last Witch Hunter is a film that takes itself too seriously, relies on the weaknesses of its lead actor, and is utterly forgettable.
Jayson
Staff Writer
At the age of 9, Jayson saw a child's head get crushed under a tire in the Toxic Avenger and has never been the same. He spent nearly his entire childhood riding his bike to the local video store to secretly renting every scary movie with his friends and reading his way through the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books and all the works of Stephen King. A writer, drinker, and lover of Boston sports he spends most of his time living out his dreams and wishing fall would never end in Connecticut.