The Last Voyage Of Demeter

Horror Headlines: Monday, May 14th, 2011

Neil Marshall, our friend who directed "The Descent", has been tapped to take the wheel on "The Last Voyage Of Demeter". The film tells the story the ship and crew that transported Dracula from Transylvania to London as told by the lone survivor of the voyage. I don't want to spoil anything... but scurvy.

Julianne Moore has been confirmed to be playing the nutso mother in the upcoming "Carrie" remake. Which is fun because she seems so nice so I kind of feel like even if she locked me in a closet for hours on end I wouldn't be so mad at her. Like those stupid Sour Patch Kids commercials. Awww she whipped me with a ruler but now she's making me pancakes.

Heather Graham and Carrie-Anne Moss have been tapped for roles in a new film titled "Compulsion". The flick is a remake of a South Korean horror-comedy about two women who live next to each other and realize one is on a hefty bad luck streak while the other is finding herself overflowing with good luck. I assume Heather Graham will have the good luck because she's never made out with Keanu Reeves.

Michelle Monaghan who looks like a solid D cup has joined Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan in the cast of "The Coup", a new film about a family stuck in Southeast Asia during a coup. Maybe a large B actually. I don't know, they do amazing things with push up technology these days.

In Real People News: 

Fishermen in Germany are blaming swimmers who pee in their local pond for the 500 plus fish they found dead recently. Even I'm not that much of a monster to make the joke you're thinking of.

A Pennsylvania woman beat the holy living hell out of her husband during a fight over his facial hair. Which is funny because now he's probably going to go nuts when she doesn't clean. And the cycle will begin anew.

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