The Apocalypse

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, May 1st, 2011

April showers bring May flowers. And Mayflower's bring Pilgrims! My first grade teacher, Mr. Lewis, taught me that. She might have been the oldest person I ever knew. Get to know me.

There's a lot of awful things I would like to see happen to Los Angeles but I can honestly say a dinosaur attack has never crossed my mind. Universal though has decided to move forward with a picture that will be co-written and directed by John Clisham about just such an event happening. I for one welcome out new dino-overloads.

Wait Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel are doing a movie called "The Apocalypse" and Jason Segel has decided to join the cast? This is unprecedented. After years of demanding these guys have finally decided to maker a movie! This will be the most original film ever imagined with a cast no one has seen before. What's it about? Well the title is elusive but it's about the end of the world. I KNOW! Breaking new ground. Emma Watson has joined the cast too, but that's not really funny.

Everyone loves Amber Heard. Not enough to watch that Playboy show she was on for about 3 weeks but they still love her. Word around campus is that she'll soon be cast in "Subject 6", a new film about a student who is a paid participant in a month-long behavioral study but quickly begins to suspect she's actually a prisoner. I mean I don't think anyone actually loves her enough to see any of her movies. But still, we adore her.

Eli Roth has announced that he will be opening a new haunted house attraction in Las Vegas this coming September. The year round attraction will be called Goretorium and will be a multilevel experience for super horror fans around the globe. This actually sounds pretty cool. I'd like to go there with you and maybe take in a show. I love buffets.

In Real People News: 

I've never been cut off at a bar but if I was I'd like to think I'd handle it better than this guy in Texas who decided to barricade the bar from the outside and set it on fire. I'd also like to think if I did do that I would run away and not get caught like he did. I have high standards for myself.

Kids do the craziest things when they're drunk. Like this Illinois teen who got hammered and then bit her mother and dog. She's in jail now. Kids in jail also do the darnedest things. Like get sexed into gangs.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday, April 10th, 2011

Wallace Langham always seems sassy to me so that makes him a perfect fit to play the roll of Saul Bass in the upcoming film "Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of 'Psycho.'" I'm not going to tell you what the movie is about because that title might be the most direct thing I've ever read. I also have no idea with Saul Bass was "sassy" in real life but I like to think he was.

Let me get this on paper right now. If the end of the world comes and it looks like I might make it out alive but I'll have to live with Seth Rogan, I want you to just shoot me right in the face. Don't ask me if I really mean it, don't even think about it. Just pull the trigger. Even if Aziz Ansari is there, who's just been added to the cast of "The Apocalypse", an end of the world comedy which stars Ro-Gan. See how I made that happen? But seriously. Shoot me.

Oren Peli and Jason Blum, the producers behind "Paranormal Activity" are currently working on an untitled "Latino-themed" supernatural thriller. Now before we go any further let me point out that my wife is Puerto Rican so nothing I say can be considered racist.The story will focus on a pack of haunted tacos that terrorize a family of migrant workers. They must use the power of salsa to expel the demons and save their home/hut. I'm kidding of course, no details on the film have been released.

"Ender’s Game", the much anticipated adaptation of Orson Scott Card's beloved science fiction novel has had its release date officially pushed to November 1, 2013. I have no idea what the book is about but it sounds like there's tiny little fighter pilots so that's adorable.

In Real People News: 

Here's a story about a California guy who's in a wheelchair but still found a way to sexually assault a chihuahua. Handy-capable indeed.

When a shoplifting attempt goes wrong you have to make some quick decisions. Like this woman in Louisiana who had to choose between the items she was stealing or her baby. She chose the items she was lifting for the record. And for the record the items she was stealing were from a baby store. Which seems really stupid now.

Around the Web

Syndicate content

What's New?

Joe's going to hate this.

Podcast

... and other words for "boner".

Podcast

Latest Reviews

Search

Around The Web