Best of 2013 - Shelton's Take

Editor's note: all week we'll be bringing you the BGH crew's best of 2013. Each writer gets a ballot and a post. On Friday, find out the crew's final vote.

Top 10

10. Curse of Chuckie
For the sixth Child's Play movie, instead of going to space or getting a gritty Platinum Dunes remake, somebody had the novel idea to just make a good, scary Chucky movie. The ending is a total mess as they try to wrap up loose threads and tie in the previous two movies, but overall this movie is way better than it needed to be.

9. V/H/S 2
Taken by itself, Safe Haven would’ve ranked a few slots higher on the list, but every segment was a step up from the lackluster first movie.

8. Evil Dead
The last of the major 80s horror franchises gets a remake, and surprisingly enough, they get it right.

7. This Is The End
A self-indulgent, lowbrow, $30 million dollar inside joke. Also, a blast to watch.

6. Hell Baby
More a series of sketches than one cohesive piece of work “Hell Baby” has a hilarious cast of comedic ringers and enough gut-busting moments to make up for its rambling story.

5. Spring Breakers
Spring Break fo’ evaaaaah.

4. The Conjuring
If you can get an old, jaded horror critic to flip the light on when walking down the hallway at night, you’ve done something right.

3. Pacific Rim
Forget the giant robots and the crab lizard monsters, just the fact that Idris Elba played a character named Stacker Pentecost should be enough to earn this movie all the Oscars.

2. Upstream Color
A puzzle movie that requires a fair bit of work by the viewer, Upstream Color is like a beautiful, confusing dream that continues to unfold after it’s over.

1. Gravity
Watching Sandra Bullock cartwheel into the nothingness of space scared me more than any supernatural menace or axe-wielding maniac ever could

Bottom 3

3. ABCs of Death
You know how most anthology films only have one or two good segments and the rest suck? Turns out that still holds true if you have 26 segments.

2 World War Z
The Amazing Race with zombies and an indestructible Brad Pitt. When a seemingly major character trips and shoots himself in the face 5 minutes after being introduced, I knew I was in for something special.

1. The Purge
With the dumbest premise in the history of movies, I was hoping that “The Purge” would be a fun-stupid throwback to the ham-fisted socially conscious sci-fi/horror movies of the 70s. Turns out it was just stupid-stupid, and mind-numbingly boring.

John Shelton

Writer/Podcast Host/Professor

Born and raised in the back of a video store, Shelton went beyond the hills and crossed the seven seas as BGH's foreign correspondent before settling into a tenure hosting Sophisticult Cinema. He enjoys the finer things in life, including but not limited to breakfast tacos, vintage paperbacks and retired racing greyhounds.

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