Women Dies From Using Jackhammer As Sex Toy

I’m going to blame this one on Tim Allen and his creative skills for coming up with the phrase “more power”. On the show “Home Improvement”, Allen would insist that ever tool in his shed would work better if only it was given “more power”. Well unfortunately for Shirley Dent of Arndale Oklahoma this idea does not cross over well to her sex toys. Apparently your average run of the mill vibrator wasn’t good enough for her and she decided to kick things up a notch by using a jackhammer. Bad mistake.

On May 1st a neighbor spotted a naked Dent in her driveway trying to direct a jackhammer to her lady parts. Well poor Mrs. Dent finally connected the dots and after some loud screams the authorities were called. She was then transported to a local hospital where she was pronounced dead. Authorities originally suspected foul play but after a two day investigation the death was ruled an accident. Why it took two days I have no idea but my guess is it went something like this:

Cops show up and find a dead woman with a jackhammer in her unmentionables in a driveway. Cop 1 says to cop 2, “There is no way in hell this women was using a jackhammer as a dildo, this has to be murder”. Open the investigation fellas!

But wait, there’s more. Apparently police had been to Dent’s home a number of times recently because neighbors complained of her running a prostitution ring from her home. According to reports she was also supplementing her income as a construction worker by playing the role of a sex toy distributor. I can only assume a number of her “products” were lifted directly from a construction site.

One neighbor was quoted as saying,

I hope you're happy Tim Allen.

Source: Decentcommunity.org