TOPTOBER: Top 5 Worst Vintage Halloween Costumes

As a celebration of all things October, BGH asked each of our writers to submit a Top 5 list of their choosing. Stay tuned all throughout October to see what these demented folks come up with!

If a kid today wants to dress up as a beloved pop culture figure like Captain America or Optimus Prime, they have their choice of any number of insanely detailed costumes with sculpted foam muscles and movie-accurate accessories. Ask somebody over the age of 30 about that time they dressed up as Darth Vader for Halloween, though, and they'll probably describe a cheap plastic mask and a vinyl smock that, instead of replicating the dark Sith Lord's iconic armor, just had a picture of Darth Vader swinging a lightsaber underneath his name. In honor of all those trick-or-treaters who roamed the streets clad in novelty tablecloths and masks held on with elastic strings that snapped at the second house of the night, here are some of the worst costumes of that era.

Tom Sawyer (1970s?)

Why does one of the most beloved characters of American literature have the mouth of an inflatable sex doll?  It looks like Tom and Huck have taken their rebellion against the constraints and prejudices of “sivilized” 19th Century South to a whole new level. If nothing else, this mask gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “whitewashing the fence”. 

The Bat (1975)

This mask of Batman’s non-union Mexican equivalent is Asylum-level Grandma trolling. It was all but made for the situation where kids ask their Nana to buy them a Batman costume for Halloween and she comes back from Eckerd’s with this sad plastic knock-off mask of shame. Every kid who wore this trick-or-treating had to go through the same ritual after ringing every doorbell. “Oh, look, it’s Batman!” “Yeah, kind of, I guess.”

Muhammad Ali (1977)

This is actually a pretty great mask if you wanted to dress up as May Day from A View to a Kill. The problem is, that’s not supposed to be Grace Jones. It’s Muhammad Ali. Why the “The Greatest” has long, seductive eyelashes, pink eyeshadow and sexy lipstick is anybody’s guess. Maybe this was made for Sonny Liston fans.

Star Trek Klingon (1979)

I don’t know that much about Star Trek, but I’m reasonably sure the Klingons aren’t a race of aliens who grow corn on the cob on their foreheads. If there was an episode of Star Trek where Picard rubbed butter and salt on Worf’s head and then stuck it in the microwave to make popcorn for movie night, I’d instantly be a Trekkie for life.

Asteroids (1983)

Back in the 80s, there were plenty of video game characters who would have made fine Halloween costumes. Pac-man, Q-Bert, Donkey Kong? No problem. Asteroids, though? Kind of a weird choice. Ok kid, here’s a mask literally covered with asteroids, now go solicit candy door-to-door while dressed as a mass of space rocks. And don’t complain to your Dad about it or he’ll tell you about the time he had to go trick or treating as the paddle from Pong.