Ditched (Movie Review)

I will give it up to the makers of Ditched, they found a unique and heretofore unexploited location for a siege movie. We’ve seen assaults on police precincts, monsters banging on the doors to supermarkets and shopping malls, and countless home invasions, but I can’t think of another movie involving a struggle for survival in a ditch. Specifically, a ditch along the side of a quiet road in rural Canada in which a paramedic named Melina (Marikia Sila) awakes, finding herself in an upside-down ambulance. The ambulance was part of a prisoner medical transfer that apparently has been ambushed and now a small crew of paramedics, police officers, and prisoners must fight to survive the night from who or whatever is waiting in the darkness.

One of the first things you’ll notice about Ditched is how visually stylish it is. Almost every shot is saturated in colored lights that render the entire screen a monochrome green or red or yellow. When done right, it’s a striking effect that injects mood and tension and disorientation that heighten the effectiveness of set pieces. In Ditched, though, nearly every scene goes full Argento with the color gels. Instead of working as a contrast to the more mundane scenes, the oversaturation is relentless to the point where it’s no longer notable and starts to become annoying. There are many scenes where it’s hard to decipher what’s even going on because all you can make out is some shadowy blobs moving around between pools of eye-searing colored light.

It doesn’t get much better when you can follow what’s going on. The script is ridiculous, both in plot and in dialogue. There are some line deliveries that are so odd that it’s hard to tell if it’s an idiosyncratic choice or if the actor just had difficulties in trying to get through some long and implausible monologues. When the nature of the threat is revealed it’s also not much of a surprise. If you took a wild guess as to what’s going on based on the premise, it’s exactly what you’d expect, with the only shock being the degree of silliness that it goes to. There is some competently pulled off practical gore here, but the spilling of intestines and organs here is so wildly out of step with the motive that it feels awkwardly wedged in. Some of this might have worked if the movie had a lighter tone and leaned into its inherent campiness, but, aside from a wickedly amusing closing credits shot, everything is played with utmost seriousness and not a hint of humor. It’s not a great sign when the closing credits are the high point of your movie.

Ditched alternates between boring and puzzling and has a serious case of horror bro first movie syndrome, in which someone who is clearly passionate about the genre takes all of their influences (the end credits even dutifully give an unnecessary shout out to every major horror director of the last 40 years) and apes them on the surface level without ever demonstrating any understanding of what made these stylistic flourishes work in the first place. It’s not hard to imagine that a lot of people will end up ditching this movie halfway through.