Dexter is over for this season. Lost isn't on yet. Fringe, Heroes and Battlestar Galactica are still on break.
So what can we use to escape from the mundane prison of our everyday lives?
Well, I would hate to suggest this, but "Rock of Love Bus" just started last Sunday. Although I was initially repulsed by the prospect of watching twenty somewhat high, somewhat insane, completely washed up women chase around an equally washed up rock star, I decided to give it a go. In case you didn't know, "Rock of Love Bus" was preceded by two equally brilliant forerunners: "Rock of Love" and the ever cleverly named "Rock of Love II" where Brett Michaels wholeheartedly, albeit unsuccessfully, attempted to find "true love". These shows have become a scary two-sided drug for me. I am repulsed in the sense that I cannot believe that such ignorant, self-absorbed people actually exist; while on the other hand I get a sort of sick satisfaction from realizing that hey, at least I'm better than these twenty people.
So, here's the recap - Brett Michaels felt it just wasn't realistic enough to have these women duke it out in a house because, as we know, he's a rock star and spends the majority of his time on the road playing to scores of amusement park goers all over the United States. Therefore, he decided to divide these women into two buses (the pink bus and the blue bus) and they would follow him on his tour. How clever.
The women are, in no particular order: Constandina (an exotic, belly dancing sexpot), Brittaney (a former porn star), Melissa (she didn't do much to distinguish herself - she's blonde), DJ Lady Tribe a.k.a. Nikki (sort of the poor man's Daisy if you watched the previous season), Ashley (the incredibly big breasted girl with he high school bully mentality), Megan (again, no distinguishing characteristics), Natasha (the requisite black chick), Marci (she wears a cowgirl hat), Stephanie (again, somewhat boring), Kelsey (nothing to see here), Maria (a very attractive brunette), Marcia (the Brazilian "firecracker in every sense of the word" according to Brett), Mindy, Farrah, Samantha, Taya (penthouse pet), Gia ("I give shots of alcohol from my..."), and last but not least, Beverly (a slightly masculine but also attractive girl who actually enjoys Brett's music).
So, that's it. That's what Brett has to choose from in the way of love. For most of the episode the girls drink and fight, throwing alcohol and Baked Lay's at one another. Marcia and Ashley are foes already, and Brittaney has established herself as the neediest porn star to ever be in existence. In the end, Brett decided to let Marci, Stephanie, Gia, Heather, and Nikki go. Visibly upset, the women depart and they just "cannot believe" that Brett let them go.
The remaining women will have to pass numerous "tests" (all ridiculous) to prove that they truly love Brett, i.e. convincing x-amount of people to show up at one of Brett's shows. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is. The show airs on Vh1 on Sunday at 9:00pm. If you would like to follow the madness and feel really good about yourself, I suggest you tune in.