The Gridiron Grindhouse Team
So, I love college football and the season is here! In honor of that, I thought I’d compile my all horror and exploitation team. The criteria is mostly name, nickname and in some cases deed. That said, no O.J., no Rae Carruth, may they share an inner tube on the Phlegethon. You’ll notice it isn’t a full squad…I’m leaving room for walk-ons or perhaps I’m lazy. Also you’ll note some NFL guys on here so I’m playin’ fast and loose with my rules or ...I’m lazy.
KYLE TURLEY in happier times
QB
SONNY SIXKILLER, University of Washington 1970-72
Always nice to start a horror list with a high body count.
'SLASH' KORDELL STEWART, University of Colorado 1992-1995
RB
'GALLOPING GHOST' RED GRANGE University of Illinois, 1922-1925
CRAIG 'IRONHEAD' HEYWARD University of Pittburgh, 1984-1987
'THE NIGERIAN NIGHTMARE' CHRISTIAN OKOYE Azusa Pacific, 1984-1987
The Nightmare’ ended when Steve Atwater (The Silent Assassin) knocked him ass over tea-kettle one Monday night.
WR
NEMESIS BATES Southern University, 1997-2000
The name just kicks ass.
ANDRE 'BAD MOON" RISON Michigan State, 1986-1989
'THE CATAWBA CLAW' FRANK BUCKLEY POPE Catawba College 1962-1963
I think I saw The Clutches of the Catawba Claw on a double feature disc with ‘The Legend of Boggy Creek’.
TE
'CAPTAIN CHAOS' CHRIS COOLEY Utah State University, 2000-2003
RYAN WETKNIGHT Stanford University ,sometime in the 1990’s
He’s only on here because when my dad and I used to watch Stanford play in the 90’s, Wetknight’s name would always elicit a cry of ‘Nocturnal emissions!’ from Pops..
OL
There’s only 2 offensive lineman, cuz’ that's all we’ll need.
CONRAD DOBLER University of Wyoming, 1969-1972
“The dirtiest football player ever” nuff said.
KYLE TURLEY San Diego State University, 1995-1998
Aside from throwing helmets, yanking helmets off and generally exploding on everyone around him Turley occasionally drums for a band called Perpetual Death Mode and did a turn in an horror independent called “Seventy Five.”
DL
GILBERT 'GRAVEDIGGER' BROWN University of Kansas, 1989-1992
Unfortunately for Gilbert his shoveling sack dance translated all too well to the dinner table.
RICH 'TOMBSTONE' JACKSON Southern University, 1963-1966
260 lbs. Monster and inventor of the head-slap. A move long outlawed because of the profusion of concussions that resulted from its use.
RANDY 'THE MANSTER' WHITE University of Maryland, 1971-1974
Unlike the movie, Randy didn't sport a second head on his shoulders but he was reputed to be one the biggest Richard Craniums ever.
LYLE ALZADO Yankton College, 1968-1970
See Video
LB
JACK 'HACKSAW' REYNOLDS University of Tennessee, 1966-1969
Big Jack earned his nickname after a 38-0 loss to Ole Miss. It seems the need to blow off steam led him to the next natural step; sawing his 1953 Chevy in half with a hacksaw. Definite captain material!
LUCIOUS PUSEY Eastern Illinois, Present
Let’s pray that for his sake his name is pronounced (Loo-SEE-us PUH- see)
DB
JACK 'THE ASSASSIN' TATUM Ohio State University, 1968-1970
Paralyzes Daryl Stingley in 1978 and won’t say ‘Sorry’. Scary.
Tatum coming soon to a Wal-mart near you.
MIGHTY INYANG University of Houston, Present
I think we can all make our own jokes here.
PAUL MOYER Arizona State University, 1980-1983
Paul was a bit of a journeyman NFL player. He was unremarkable in most ways, save one. During a game against Denver, Moyer (sans cup) took a knee in the groin from Big Orson Mobley. He was iced up at half and played the entire second half in severe pain. Upon Undressing after the game, Moyer found his whole abdomen swollen and his scrotum was filled with blood and hanging nearly down to his knee. The Mobley crunch had forced a testicle up into Moyer's body cavity and caused severe internal hemorrhaging. ONE WORD: CAPTAIN!
