31 Hot Takes on Rob Zombie's "31" Trailer

Your favorite rocker turned director, Rob Zombie has released the first official trailer for his clown driven horror show, 31. 31 is set against the backdrop of the night before Halloween where a handful of traveling carnival workers have been kidnapped and thrown into a compound called Murder World. To survive they are pitted against some deranged individuals dressed as clowns called “The Heads.”

Instead of giving you the rundown, here’s a list of 31 poignant observations from the trailer:

1.  “PREPARE TO MEET THY GOD” – Title of Kanye West’s metal album, or a sign I really want on my front lawn.
2.  Clown tongue = nightmare fuel
3.  Super 8 footage can only mean one of two things: The Wonder Years or a snuff film
4.  Grease Paint (hat tip to one of the best White Zombie songs)
5. Can you imagine the pitch for this? “It’s like The Purge meets Twisted Metal. Yes, I DO mean the one with the ice cream truck”
6. I like the nü direction Zombie’s taken with his credit font
7. Where does he keep finding these insanely Euro-baroque churches?
8. Subtle one-percenter commentary with the powdered wigs
9. Malcom McDowell-as-Louis XIV-as-Malcolm McDowell-trying-to-relive-Caligula
10. Why does that one clown look like West Texas Dracula?
11. Glad Whitey’s (Jeff Daniel Phillips) back and I hope he tears some stuff up
12. So basically, the desert backroads are full of chemical mutants and clowns? *maps alternate route on Google Maps*
13.  Did the Blair Witch move onto the Firefly family ranch? What’s with the stick scarecrows?
14.  The goons give me an Oompa Loompa-ate-Beetlejuice vibe.
15.  Sheri Moon Zombie. Much range. Very acting. Wow.
16.  “I know we did dreadlocks last time, but give me something even worse” – Sheri,  “Say no more fam”
17. Really glad Rob brought Meg Foster back into the fold. That woman terrifies me.
18. Do all clowns talk to themselves while applying makeup before their Fight Club warm ups? No “We Will Rock You” or “Sirius”?
19. “Murder School is now is session” … ? The vibe in the screenwriter’s room must’ve been “We’ll do it live”
20. Does Murder School grade on a curve?
21.  Where’s Alice Cooper hanging from the rafters as a Doof Warrior, playing “School’s Out”?
22.  Beethoven is a good soundtrack for murder.
23. An 8-track, though, bruh? Stick to vinyl – makes the blood warmer.
24. Pogo the Clown would be disappointed in these clowns’ lackluster fashion efforts.
25. I miss OG clowns, whose floppy shoes echo into the abyss of abandoned cattle abattoirs.           
26. WHY ARE THERE NO CLOWNS LAUGHING?! Is there no laughing in Murder School?
27. If this wasn’t filmed at The Clown Motel in Tonopah, Nevada, they blew it.
28. Are there 31 clowns in this film? If there’s no connection to the number, I’m gonna freak out overanalyzing, Jim Carrey-style.
29. Hopefully clowns’ names include: Sex- Head, Death-Head, Doom-Head, Psycho-Head, Schizo-Head, Sick-Head, Donald Trump
30. “In Hell, everyone loves popcorn.”
31. At least they feed you down there.