poltergeist

Wait did I know there was a "Poltergeist" remake in the works? I feel like I might have known that. I feel like I might have started a post with this same stupid joke before too. Rosemary Dewitt has been cast in the lead role of the 'hey you built your house on top of an indian burial ground' film so I'm assuming they're doing a remake. What a terrible joke this is to play on here if there really isn't one in the works.

I am a big ol fan of George A. Romero's "Dawn Of the Dead". A super big fan even. But at no point did I ever say, "Hey this needs to be shown in 3D". Despite that thought a 3D conversion is in the works and it look like there might be plans to put the film out in theaters again. No release date has been dropped but apparently the conversion is about a third of the way done so we will see how this all goes. I mean I thought "Nightbreed" only needed to be an hour and 15 minutes so maybe I'm all wrong about this conversion. I'm just a big dumb penis after all.

"Hustle & Flow" is one of the greatest movies ever made and Terrence Howard is one of the greatest actors or all time. There's no arguing that. Any jackass who knows his ass from his hand can figure this out. So now that he's been cast in M. Night Shyamalan new Fox series "Wayward Pines" I have fairly high hopes. The show will focus on a secret service agent who comes to a small town looking to find to missing agents. Stuff happens I guess, but nowhere do I read a description of a rapping pimp that he encounters so maybe my hopes aren't as high as I thought they were.

Never let it be said that I don't love an extended version of a film. Never! In fact I am rather smitten with the news that to celebrate the film's 40th anniversary the folks at StudioCanal will release "The Wicker Man: The Final Cut". To be released in the UK on DVD this coming October, and hopefully in the US shortly after, the classic film tells the story of a police officer sent to a remote island to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. Seriously, If there's one thing I say about movies it's "Hey could you tack on another 45 minutes to that gosh darn thing already? I'm trying to watch a movie here!".

I had completely forgotten that there is a "Poltergeist" remake in the works but there is and Sam Raimi is producing the crap out of it with his Ghost House company. But who will direct!? Well according to the film's writer, David Lindsay-Abaire, Raimi will take on that role also and I for one believe him. He's got a freakin Pulitzer for F sake. Yuu going to call him a liar?

Want to see Wes Craven's "Scream" on the big screen this Halloween season? Me either but that jackass sitting across from you on the bus probably wants to so it's going to be there starting next week in selected theaters across this great nation. Just look at that guy sitting there, eating those Triscuits. God I want to punch him in the face.

I've never read a Dean Koontz book but his last name always makes me giggle like a school girl. And now I have absolutely no reason to read his book "Frankenstein Will Not Die" because the folks over at TNT are looking to turn it into a TV show. The show will be set in New Orleans and follow the famous doctor and his monster 200 years after it was created. See, if you wait long enough all written words will be turned into moving pictures.

Good news, Brian De Palma has confirmed that he is ok with Kimberly Peirce and her remake of the classic film "Carrie". I had always assumed all these people making remakes went to the original writers, directors and actors to get their approval before they even got started. Who knew.

It looks like everyone's favorite sailor boy Sam Raimi has been confirmed to produce the upcoming "Poltergeist" remake. This puts an end to the rumors that he would be taking the director's chair for the film. But if not him then who!? And why do we call him "sailor boy"? It's almost like I'm making all of this up or something.

Fans of "The Ring" will be excited, shocked, disgusted and/or neutral on the news that there may be another film in the works. According to Paramount Film Group president Adam Goodman there's an idea being tossed around that would see the next installment in the film series going the found footage route. Ya know, cause why not?

I don't want to say this is the worst news day ever but I'm about to give you an update on casting for "Wrong Turn 5". Ready? Simon Ginty, Oliver Hoare, Amy Lennox, Paul Luebke, Duncan Wisbey, Kyle Redmond-Jones and Peter Brooke are all in. I honestly have no idea who any of these people are.

Blah blah blah Asylum is making a "Battleship" rip off called "American Battleship" and Universal is pissed about it and going to sue. They're just mad because they didn't think of putting Carl Weathers in his Apollo Creed shorts on the poster. Ya know, cause it's a lot cheaper to get Carl Weathers than Rihanna. I just assume.

I just waited through a 7 minute advertisement for some video game that gave me seizures to watch the new trailer for "Jurassic Shark". I regret nothing. The movie stars Emanuelle Carriere, who much to my surprise did not get her start in those late night Skinemax movies I watch, and is about a giant prehistoric shark that returns to bring death and destruction to a bunch of girls wearing next to nothing. I know, I'm excited too.

I know what you're thinking, why the hell isn't there a "Poltergeist" remake out there? I know you so well. Well good news kids because Roy Lee, the producer who brought you "The Strangers" and "Quarantine" says a reboot is very much a goal of his and hopes to have it out in the world sometime next year. I'm trying to track down his home address so you can go thank him personally. I'll let you know what I find, there's a lot of Lee's out there.

I refuse to explain to you the plot of "Silent Night Of the Living Dead" but I will tell you that both AJ Bowen and Tom Savini have joined the cast. I know it's tough love but come on, it's a play on the classic zombie flick and a Christmas song. What the hell don't you get? God do I have to wipe your ass too?

I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited about "Men In black 3". I don't know what it is but as my age gets up there I'm finding Will Smith more and more enjoyable. I'm just as surprised as you are! Anyway here's a look at the first poster for the film that is scheduled to hit theaters in May of 2012. Have you watched "Wild Wild West" lately? Seriously it's not that bad.

The world demanded it and the good people at Universal answered our prayers. I speak of course about "Death Race 3". While nothing has been confirmed there's word around campus that Paul W.S. Anderson will be writing the script for part 3 and Danny Trejo will return. Tanit Phoenix will also be back and that's exciting for all of us because according to IMDB she's played a stripper in about 8 movies and starred in something called "Kamasutra Nights". Let the Oscar buzz begin!

This afternoon I was down at the Manhole for lunch and the rumors flying around there are that none other than Paul Walker, Texas Ranger is in talks to play Kyle Reese in the much anticipated "Terminator 5". Of course that's not his real name but it would be awesome if it was. Anyway Justin Lin, who directed Walker in the last "Fast & Furious" movie is set to direct... I trust my fellow foodies down at The Manhole on this one. The lunch buffet is delicious, don't judge.

Years before Peter Jackson directed a 38 hour trilogy he directed a movie I actually liked called "The Frighteners" starring Michael J. Fox. And while three films that spawned a million pornos have been released in countless formats sadly "The Frighteners" has yet to make its way to Blu-Ray. Well good news kids, come September 13th you can get your grubby little mits on the flick with tons of special features and 0 wizards. Alright in all fairness the porn parodies are pretty decent. The visuals, you wouldn't believe!

Pultizer Prize winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire is being taken out for a lovely steak dinner by the people at MGM in the hopes that he will write the much discussed "Poltergeist" remake. No word on if he'll accept but if he orders dessert it's pretty much understood he has to, especially if it's the 3rd date.

Because we did it so well the first time, it looks like Legendary Pictures are in talks to bring back an Americanized version of “Godzilla”. While this news is quite maddening, what's really aggravating is how every movie news outlet that has picked up the story has used the headline “GODZILLA ROARS AGAIN!”. Seriously, guys? Maybe I expect too much for a guy with the moniker of “Mr. Disgusting”.

So, if the “Godzilla” news didn't screw up your morning, well, here you go: MGM has put the remake of “Poltergeist” on the fast track. Here's to hoping that the new Carol Anne lives to be 13!

Even though the movie won't be ready for another 37 years, Universal has released some new stills for The Wolfman. Is it just me or does Benicio Del Toro look like a cross between an almost transformed werewolf and Jet Li?

Is it weird that I've jerked-off to this video twice now?

Remember how the acclaimed Swedish vampire film "Let The Right One In" was just released on DVD? Thanks to some sleuthing over at Icons of Fright, it was discovered that the subtitles have been almost criminally changed from the original English subs on the Swedish DVD. The cumulative result, as the writer puts it, could be construed as a "dumbing down" or "watering down" of the subtlety and strange dark humor of the film. At the link, an exhaustive description of the changes including screen caps to illustrate the point.

Producers speak on both remakes of "The Birds" and "Poltergeist". They seem to have a healthy respect for the originals, so I'll at least give these a shot, even if neither one really needs a reboot.

Here's a naughty still from Lars Von Trier's "Antichrist", which is about to make its debut at Cannes. The psychological horror film stars Willem Dafoe and is about a couple who retreat to a cabin in the woods following the death of their child.

Now this is more like it, if you're interested, here's 20 hi-res stills from "Blood: The Last Vampire". Japanese school girls... that is all.