Oh boy! Tim Burton's new "Dark Shadows" movie just got a whole lot sexier because Jackie Earle Haley has been added to the cast. Johnny Depp will star in the film but no one will be watching him with that hunky Jackie prancing around the screen with his creepy get in my van smile. Bella Heathcote has also been added to the cast and much to my surprise is not a porn star.

Booo Paramount, boo! Apparently there's been a "Pet Cemetery" remake in the works for some time now but up until recently it wasn't getting much action. But now it looks like a script is almost done and a director search is moving forward. Matthew Greenberg, who wrote the script for King's "1408" as well is just about done with his new updated version of this sucker.

I don't know if this is suppose to be good news but Wes Craven says he isn't re-shooting scenes for "Scream 4" but actually adding pivotal scenes. So just to confirm, he watched his movie and didn't see scenes that he thought could be better or done different, no he saw scenes that were completely missing all together. I'm not good with math or words but honestly I think the re-shooting sounded better.

MTV has announced that their new series based on the 90's classic "Teen Wolf" will hit the air on June 5th. Based on everything I've heard about their latest show "Skins" I am fully expecting this one to feature full frontal nudity and partial if not full penetration. I'll consider anything less a complete failure.

Did you know they were remaking “Pet Sematary”? I didn't. I just learned that, like, two minutes ago. It's apparently going to be rewritten by Matthew Greenberg, writer of the failed King adaptation “1408” and the failed “Halloween” entry “H20”. Who do you think they'll get to “reimagine” the catchy theme song, originally performed by the Ramones? I'm, hoping it's Justin Bieber, so at least I'll have something new to masturbate to. That sexy twink is pure rape-bait!

According to MTV, Wesley Snipes would like to see a “Blade 4”. Sadly, no one else does. (OK, that was mean. The truth of the matter is that I love all three “Blade” flicks and would love to see a fourth. Sometimes the prerequisite cynicism of this gig eats away at me, forcing me to do or say things I don't mean to. Mr. Snipes, please, if the offer arises, make a new “Blade” and I will be first in line, no questions asked. (This promise also applies if you make “Passenger 58” or “Jungle Fever 2: Still Cravin' That White Meat”.))

I know that, because you're an imbecilic horror fan, you probably only listen to bands like Magick Karkass and Devilwhipper, but, if you can expand your musical horizons for two Goddamned minutes, neo-outlaw country singer Shooter Jennings' latest album, “Black Ribbons” is out. Why should this appeal to the oh-so-picky likes of you? Because “Maximum Overdrive” director Stephen King narrates the anti-New World Order-themed album as radio DJ “Will O' the Wisp”, who is about to lose his job as the airwaves is overtaken by 'government-approved and regulated transmissions.' I'm taking a moment to be serious here: this is a damn good album and, quite honestly, better than anything you're listening to right now.