vampires

It's a documentary... about a "vampire"... running for Governor of Minnesota. Probably the one place where a guy like that would have a chance. Watch the layers of the onion peel back on this fascinating study in self delusion.

I clearly remember the first time I saw the Nicolas Cage remake of “The Wicker Man”. I was at my neighbor’s place and had convinced him to give it a shot because I had heard that it was one of the worst movies ever made. We weren’t disappointed. We were treated to some of the worst over-acting ever committed to film, a plot so absurd it involved Nicolas Cage punching out an elderly woman while dressed up as a bear and the only death scene I’ve ever seen that involved an Abraham Lincoln-esque beard of bees. Sure, it was abjectly terrible, but my God was it funny. Problem is, it hooked me.

I love indie movies and indie TV. Yes, like anything, there's a huge amount of stinkers, but it's not unusual to find a great story. I consider indie productions to be a proverbial lifeboat in the sea of crap that is big budget, soul less remakes, reboots and re-imaginings. The best part, however, is when you stumble on something that's just a gem, like I did with Vampire Mob. Like most productions of this nature, the biggest obstacle is getting your project noticed - an absolute travesty, if you ask me.

Colin Farrell's pec's jump off the screen in three dimensions...

Out of left field comes "Stake Land", a cleverly written post-apocalyptic vampire tale. Plus, Danielle Harris whimpers...

Films based upon original ideas are pretty hard to come across today. Look at any theater marquee on the street and I can guarantee that you’ll see three things; remakes of classic films from decades past (do we really need another “Conan the Barbarian”?), films that shamelessly steal ideas from far superior films (case in point: “The Roommate”) and an endless slew of uninspired sequels (there’s a fourth “Scream” movie now?).

As much as I try not to, I tend to judge screeners on appearance when they get sent to my apartment. I know, I know, that’s not good, but when you see as many movies as I do, you tend to notice patterns. Usually, the better, more professional quality films will get sent in actual DVD cases, have menus and press releases explaining what the film is about. Labors of love shot on weekends in backyards tend to come in jewel cases, but the film-makers will usually include a write up (usually hand-signed) about the film. But then there’s that third subset of screeners.

This President's Day, we celebrate our forefathers and their great achievements in American History. One of those great men deserving of our remembrance is none other than Abraham Lincoln; a man who was many things: A lawyer. A leader. An Emancipator. A Vampire Hunter.

Hold on - what?

Yes, a vampire hunter. It's no more ridiculous than anything else in politics. Defender of the Free World, Savior of the Living world!

Vampire horror-comedy musical. Sight unseen, that description is enough to make me want to punch any movie in the face. It sounds like a $10,000 Pyramid clue with the answer “Things that make a terrible horror movie”. Now throw in a series of cameos from respectable musicians who really should know better. But wait, it gets worse. Give that train wreck of questionable filmmaking decisions the provocative title of “Suck”, which lofts an incredibly tempting softball at lazy, pun-prone film reviewers. Then, what the hell, make it Canadian.