rob zombie

Horror Headlines: Friday October 7th, 2011

The first trailer for "The Raven" staring John Cusak has hit the tubes my friend and it's chock full of birdy goodness. I think at least. Honestly I couldn't even watch the trailer because it kept locking up my computer. I can tell you the movie tells the tale of Edger Allen Poe who joins forces with a detective to stop a serial killer. You enjoy the trailer though and let me know how it goes.

Robert Zemeckis has set his eyes on "Charles Fort" as his next project. A period piece that tells the story of early-twentieth-century ghost hunter, the movie will be based on the Dark Horse comic of the same name. I wish I had something sarcastic to say about this but it just sounds so darn delightful.

Show of hands, who out there hasn't had a Tara Reid/Cloris Leachman three way fantasy? No one, that's what I thought. Well get excited because they're both on the new poster for "The Fields", a film set in 1973 that tells the true story of a Pennsylvania family who are terrorized by a strange presence in their corn field. I could sop this poster up with a biscuit! I realize that makes no sense.

Blah blah blah Rob Zombie blah blah blah "Lords of Salem" casting blah blah blah Billy Drago blah blah blah creepy guy from "The Untouchables".

In Real People News: 

Like candy but hate all the spooky connotations surrounding Halloween? Well you're in luck! This year you can celebrate Jesusween with a bunch of wack jobs who believe... well I'm not 100% sure what they believe but I'm 99% sure it will end with a military stand off and some sort of death pact.

Remember when you played football in middle school and you had to walk past the other team after the game and say "good game" to them? The funny guys would always say crap like "'eff you" and whatnot instead? Well here's a funny guy from Ohio who decided to put a tack on his glove and give the entire opposing team a make-shift stigmata. What a hoot!

Horror Headlines: Tuesday October 4th, 2011

Another day another "Paranormal Activity 3" clip and man oh man check this one out. There's a girl sleeping and then... well I think there might be something in the doorway? I have no idea what the hell is going on honestly. But I know it's frightening as hell. I think. 99% sure that's what it is.

Kevin J. Foxe is credited as being an executive producer for "The Blair Witch Project" which I assume means he was in charge of finding the perfect sticks to make those weird dolls. Or at least finding someone to go do that for him. Well now he's bringing all that talent to the directing role of a new spooky ghost story involving a group of college students title "The Ghost Experiment 3D". Can you guess if it's going to be in 3D or not? If you guessed no you are wrong... and really stupid.

Here's some news you didn't see coming. Sherri Moon Zombie is going to star in "Lords Of Salem" which is currently being directed by her lover Rob Zombi. If I was a betting man I'd put my money on her playing a freaky deeky who screams a lot and gets naked. That's just me though. She's actually been confirmed as a radio DJ who unleashes a coven of witches from days of yore. So probably not a lot of stripping there.

In a recent interview Mr. David Cronenberg alluded to the fact that he has already written a sequel to his 1985 remake of "The Fly". While there's no actual discussion of the film being made it looks like there's a god possibility it could go into production sometime in the near future. He spent the rest of the interview talking about this season's "Dancing With The Stars". It got kind of weird.

In Real People News: 

I never realized that snakes crap but here's a guy in Ohio who is under arrest after he apparently shoved his pet snake's doodie into his girlfriend's mouth. Try keeping your lunch down today while thinking about that.

And get ready for the end of America as we know it because the Hairy Crazy Ants are here. Currently invading Mississippi and working their way south the ants are bring death and destruction to everything in their path. Alright maybe not death but they're messing crap up. There's a video too which shows them in all their crazy ant glory. Pray for your death people!

Horror Headlines: Monday September 26th, 2011

What could top last weeks new that Raj from "What's Happening" had joined the cast of Rob Zombie's "Lords of Salem"? How about Jeffrey Daniel Phillips joining the cast? Who's that you might ask? Why just one of the most famous cavemen in history. Ya know, minus the real cavemen. Let's call him the most famous insurance selling caveman of all time. Well next to the other two. There's three of them in those commercials isn't there? Let's just call him a guy. He's a nice guy. God I hate you.

Oh boy oh boy! More set pics from "The Dark Knight Rises" and this time we've got Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. Boy she looks comfortable in that suit. If people made a big deal over Michelle Pfeiffer doing flips in her Catwoman outfit back in 1992 I can't wait to see what sort of fuss they make about Hathaway stomping around the set like the Frankenstein monster recovering from hip surgery. Is it hot in here or is it just her?

I've seen a ton of movies that Michael Fassbender has been in but for the life of me I have no idea who the guy is. That aside though if I had one choice for who could play Alex Murphy in the upcoming "Robocop" remake he would be it. Don't ask me why he just would be. And the good news for me is that director Jose Padhilla wants him for the role too. Which I kind of think is weird since I don't know who he is. It's like if Rob Zombie wanted one of the Geico cavemen for one of his movie or something.

And last but not least Charlie Sheen has accepted a role in "Scary Movie 5". I don't know what else to say about that. I'm crying on the inside though.

In Real People News: 

A good friend will save you from a grizzly bear attack. An even better friend will see you're getting attacked by a grizzly bear and shoot you before the bear can kill you. I think that's what the plan was. Either that or bad aiming. Probably the second thing actually.

And what do you do if you want to relax in the nude but don't have a porch? Go to your neighbor's house of course. You'll go to jail for that just so you know. But man you'll be relaxed.

Horror Headlines: Thursday September 22nd, 2011

Charlize Theron has signed on to play an investigator trying to solve a case involving a brutal murder where things might not be as they seem in a new thriller titled "Cities of Refuge". She's also signed on to look fabulous at this year's Oscars! There's really not much else in the way of details on this one so I'm kind of stretching.

Well here's something I never thought I'd type. Raj from "What's Happening" will be in the next Rob Zombie flick!! That's right one Mr. Ernest Thomas, better known as not Rerun has signed on to play the station director of a local rock station in the upcoming witch revenge romp "Lords of Salem". If Zombie can get J.J. Walker then this movie might have some potential.

There's a crap load of horror shows in the works right now and it looks like ABC is looking to create a new drama series based on the book "666 Park Avenue". The show, like the book, will revolve around a couple that move to NYC from the midwest and become managers of a building where the residents have all made deals with the devil. You'd need to make a deal with the devil to find something affordable on the upper east side! Am I right folks? Rent is too damn high.

I'm pretty excited for the US to get its hands on "Haunted Poland", a new Polish flick (seriously!) about a girl who travels back to her home town and encounters evil thanks to a Ouija board, because I'm 99% sure I've met a few of the actresses in the film. And by met I mean thrown 20's at during a bachelor party while they did things I'm positive are illegal in their homelands. Anyway there's a new trailer and poster out for the film that was apparently made for only a thousand dollars. In fairness though a thousand dollars in Poland is pretty much enough to be president, or king or whatever the hell they worship over there. It's cool, I'm Polish so I can mock my people.

In Real People News: 

If there's one thing I've learned about kids it's they will not be ignored. My little bundle of joy will scream like there's no tomorrow if she loses her pacifier. But I guess I should consider myself lucky because here's a Georgia woman who's offspring fired a shotgun through the roof of her van while she was purchasing some drugs. Of course I always find a sitter when I go out for a big score, but that's just me.

I can sum up this one in three words. Decapitation, nipples and hammer. Good luck!

Horror Headlines: Monday August 8th, 2011

I'm willing to give my friend Rob Zombie as many chances as his crispy disgusting hair wants to toss out. That's just the kind of guy I am. So when he takes to the twitter and says his new film "The Lords of Salem" is looking "demented, perverted satanic", I'm intrigued. For those of you not familiar with the film it's a heartwarming tale about a group of witches who come back from the great beyond to bring death and destruction on modern day Salem. Sounds like they also get some action also. Good for them.

It's about time there was a Roller Derby slasher film isn't it? That is of course if there already hasn't been one and I just haven't seen it. Let's pretend "MurderDrome" is the first of its kind though. The film is about an up and coming roller star who gets caught in a love triangle that eventually evolves into a demon filled blood bath. Demon roller people? That's got to be a new idea. Was there a demon in that Drew Barrymore flick that came out a couple years ago? I never saw it.

For those of you who haven't had a chance to get John Carpenter's "The Ward" you'll be able to get your disgusting little syrup stained hands on the DVD and Blu-Ray on August 16th. And today we've got some cover art, which is the same as the movie poster, and specs, commentary with John Carpenter and star Jared Harris. So there you have it, the same image you've seen 100 times already and some commentary with an actor who's in the movie about 15 minutes. Operators are standing by.

While it's no big surprise it's still nice to see that Bruce Campbell will in fact be in Sam Raimi's upcoming new film "Oz: The Great and Powerful" which tells the story of how everyone's favorite Wizard came to be. That is of course unless you consider those weirdos from "Lord of the Rings" to be your favorite wizards. And if that is the case I'd ask you to kindly stop reading my news.

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What's worse than throwing a cat out of a seven story window? Raping it beforehand. But I guess when you're high on meth you do those sort of things. Or when you're from Iowa. I don't know the difference really.

Apparently there's a big problem in the Ukraine with restaurants keeping bears and forcing them to drink booze for other people's amusement. This is the first time I've ever wanted to go to the Ukraine.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 5th, 2011

Need another reason to come out of your mom's basement and head to Comic Con this year? Well it looks like "Underworld 4" will get it's big premier there in just a couple weeks and what's more the film's star Kate Beckinsale will be on hand to answer a bunch of nerdy questions that you shouldn't actually care about. Dust off your Boba Fett costume, I bet she'll be impressed by it.

While things are still ramping up on Rob Zombie's "The Lords of Salem" the crusty one has been nice enough to give us a glimpse of one of the nasty props he has come up with for the film. Namely a big old chair with tons of little spiky bits shooting out of it that I assume will be used for some sort of witch trial fun. There's also a picture of his wife's ass on the page if the chair doesn't do it for you.

To celebrate it's 20th anniversary 1981's "Halloween 2" will be getting the blu-ray treatment on September 13th of this very year. Trust me I did the math. Along with an alternative ending the disc will also be packed with the 1984 documentary "Terror in the Aisles" which is hosted by Dr. Loomis himself, Donald Pleasence. I can't wait to see what they do for "Halloween H20" in just 7 short years.

Every jackass with a phone can get a video of Beyonce falling on her ass these days and luckily they can also get some video from the set of "The Dark Knight Rises". In the clip you can see Anne Hathaway prancing around the stand-in for Wayne Manor in foggy old England. honestly this could be a behind the scenes shot from "The Princess Diaries 3" for all I know. I think Christopher Nolan is set to direct that too.

In Real People News: 

A Michigan man who was arrested 5 years ago for making love to a sheep went back on the lamb (I know it's just to easy) recently and was taken back into custody after breaking into a local farm where a group of cows and pigs were being housed. Nice to see he loves all animals equally though. Nice to see in this day and age.

Well it's as good an excuse as any I guess. An Oregon man was arrested recently while looking into a woman's house after his excuse of looking for his cat didn't fly with the cops. Of course not many people look for their cat while using their body as an amusement park but what do I know. I'm more of a dog person.

Retro Trailer: "Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film" (2006)

Lately I have been on a documentary kick. I've watched some really amazing ones ("Dear Zachary") and plodded through some pretty awful ones ("Snuff"). Along my quest to find some more horror themed documentaries, I came across "Going to Pieces: The Rise and Fall of the Slasher Film." A pretty fun and entertaining ride, I'd consider this a must see for fans of the slasher sub genre. The documentary gives us a look at the history of the slasher film and takes a look at both early and later successes in the horror sub genre (think "Halloween" and "Scream").

Horror Headlines: Monday June 20th, 2011

There's nothing more fun than nutso clowns battling each other to the death is there? Well "The Last Circus" is here to make all your wildest dreams come true and today there's a red band trailer for the big top blood bath. The film revolves around a love triangle between a sad clown, a trapeze artist and her abusive happy clown husband. Sounds like what Cirque du Soleil would be if it was tolerable.

Get in line now kids because on October 26, 2012 "Halloween 3" will hit the theaters! No director has been picked for the third installment of the much debated Rob Zombie reboot but there's little to no chance Robbie will have anything to do with it. Which is good for haters of the first two but really bad for lovers of slow motion pan shots set to crappy 70's cover songs. Correction: Patrick Lussier will direct "Halloween 3D". You can go back to planning your next D&D gathering in your mom's basement now.

I was pretty down on the "Conan the Barbarian" remake for a long time but since watching Jason Momoa, who will play Conan, on "Game of Thrones" I've become more and more fired up. Now there's a new red band trailer and TV spot for the remake and I think I'm going to run out and get myself a loin cloth and sword. Once I get those I can really focus on getting washboard abs and being cast in the sequel.

"The House at the End of the Street" has been kicking around for a while now and as of today it looks like the film will finally see the light of day on April 20th of next year, yes that's 4/20 you filthy hippies. The movie stars Jennifer Lawrence and Elizabeth Shue as a mother daughter combo (try to guess which is which) that move into a house where a family was mysteriously murdered and begin to uncover the community's spooky secrets. It's Shue who plays the mother, that Lawrence girl is like 20, people. I wish you'd think before you answer sometimes.

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Police in New York are investigating what they think might have been a suicide of a woman after she let her pet Black Mamba bite her. I can honestly think of no worse way to off myself thean by letting a snake have at me. I've said it before and I will say it again, snakes are the worst things ever invented and serve no purpose in this beautiful world we live in.

A woman in Florida is under arrested after she reportedly urinated off a pier, smacked a kid that wasn't her own and then tried to run down the same kid along with her own two toddlers. Why did she do all this? Because she downed a box of wine and 2 Mike's Hard Lemonades of course. I'm pretty sure that was kind of obvious though.

Horror Headlines: Friday June 17th, 2011

The premiere we've all been waiting for is finally here my friends! Yes of course I speak of Rob Zombie's Woolite commercial and much to my surprise it looks like... well if Rob Zombie did a commercial for a laundry detergent. Shocking I know. Look for our podcast on the commercial coming in the next few weeks.

Looks like the good people behind the upcoming flick "Mansion of Blood" don't have nearly as much patience as the folks behind "The Gingerdead Man" films because they just shit canned Gary Busy from the lead role. Apparently Busy had already filmed about half of his scenes but his pain in the assness became too much and he was booted.

I love me some Guillermo Del Toro but I swear to Jesus if you break up "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" there will be hell to pay. Rumor has it that Del Toro is in talks with Sunny's Charlie Day to play a role in his upcoming monsters attack earth flick "Pacific Rim" which is set for a 2013 release. Then again there's a new season of Sunny coming out in between then and if it sucks like the last one did then he can go ahead and do whatever the hell he wants.

99% of horror comedies are neither funny nor scary and guess what folks, the upcoming Halloween romp "Fun Size" will not break the mold. How do I know this? Because Chelsea Handler has just been cast in the movie and she's not funny. If you think she is you're wrong and I'm sorry. Just because she's kind of pretty and swears a lot doesn't make her hilarious. Trust me, I pay $75 a ticket to watch her talk about diddling herself for an hour at Radio City Music Hall and I didn't crack a smile once. You drop $150 bucks and all of the sudden a goofy smile and low cut shirt isn't so funny. Learn from my mistakes!

In Real People News: 

Everyone likes a little show with their dinner, that's a fact. But when the little show ends up sending you to the hospital the fun ends. Such is the case for a group of diners in Florida who had to be rushed to the hospital after a banana foster preparation went all too wrong and burned a number of diners. Always order pudding people, no one gets hurt with pudding.

And here's a story about a 29 year old woman in Washington who is under arrest after she attacked her boyfriend's genitals with a knife during a fight. And that's all I can say about this without getting dizzy.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday May 24th, 2011

If you're waiting for one borderline softcore porn 3D horror flick to come out it's probably "Pirahana 3DD". But if you're waiting for two than the second has got to be "Shark Night 3D" which now has a new poster out for your peepers with the clever tag line "Terror Runs Deep". Because as you are all well aware, Shark Nights terror runs deep, so deep, put her ass to sleep.

If you were in Cannes last week, and honestly if you weren't I'm not sure I want you reading my news, you got a chance to see the new film "Take Shelter". But for you homeless people who couldn't make it the filmmakers were nice enough to make a trailer for the flick that follows a man obsessed with building up a storm shelter with the fears that his nightmares might come true. Watch it from the computer at your local soup kitchen or whatever.

Say what you want about Rob Zombie, the guy knows horror. Weather or not he can make it well is debatable but his next film "The Lords of Salem" has my interest peaked based on the fact that Zombie said in a recent post there won't be any CGI gore in the flick. So even if the film turns out to be crap the blood should still look pretty cool. "Black Sunshine" is still a pretty cool song too.

I can't even begin to understand what the hell is going on in the new trailer for the Korean film "The Cat" but what I can tell you is there is most certainly a cat in the movie. Or maybe there isn't, I don't know. It may kill people, it may get killed or it may be a metaphor for something I will most likely be confused by. There's a poster too... which I don't understand either.

In Real People News: 

Here's a heartwarming story about a mother in Brooklyn who decided she wasn't up for the whole mothering thing and opted to toss her baby down her apartment building's trash chute. Which is where you toss all the things you don't want, weather it's a moldy cheesecake or a child, obviously.

And just because I'm not done talking about the rapture, here's a fish stick with the face of Jesus on it. The end could still be near!

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