remake

Retro Trailer: "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" (1973)

I just got back from seeing the remake of "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" and I enjoyed myself quite a bit. Now, I don't have a great nostalgic love for the original; in fact, I have only seen bits and pieces of it over the past few years so I didn't go in to the theater with any great reservations over a remake. I am a sucker for the over the top gothic imagery and the dark fairytale atmosphere that can really only be created on these types of films.

Snapshot: "Fright Night" (2011)

Craig Gillespie's "Fright Night" remake of the 1985 classic is upon us and some new stills have been released! The above snapshot features David Tennant playing Mr. Peter Vincent getting ready to fight vampires. Here's the synopsis from the OFFICIAL FRIGHT NIGHT SITE and it sounds pretty true to the original. Color me somewhat excited:

Senior Charley Brewster (Anton Yelchin) finally has it all—he's running with the popular crowd and dating the hottest girl in high school.

Snapshot: "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" (2011)

In the above snapshot, young Sally Hirst (Bailee Madison) moves in with her father and his girlfriend only to discover that she is being pursued by monsters who want to claim her as one of their own. A remake of the 1973 made for TV movie of the same name, Guy Pearce stars as Alex Hirst, an author who becomes increasingly frustrated with his daughter's claims of seeing monsters, even when his girlfriend (Katie Holmes) begins seeing them as well. The film is set for a theatrical release August 26, 2011 and is rated R.

Snapshot: "Mother's Day" (2011)

Darren Lynn Bousman's "Mother's Day" appears to be a remake of Troma's 1980 version in title alone, which may not necessarily be a bad thing. When three brothers botch up a bank robbery, they take off on the run and head for home, only to discover that their mother lost the house due to foreclosure. The new owners of the home are having a party when the brothers show up and take their family and guests hostage.

Horror Headlines: Thursday March 10th, 2011

Your prayers have been answered my friends. A sequel to Tobe Hooper's 2004 remake of "The Toolbox Murders" is finally being made. The film titled "TBK - The Toolbox Murders 2" picks up right where the last film left off and I'm guessing involves a toolbox. Or maybe it takes places at this bar I went to one time called The Toolbox. But now I've said too much.

Movies about video games are usually pretty bad. So are remakes. But a remake of a video game movie? No way this can fail! Ladies and gentlemen I am proud to tell you that "Doom" is being remade. What could make this news better you might ask? What if I were to tell you that it's going to be in 3D? I'm sorry for just making you crap your pants with excitement but I'm sure you'll agree that it was worth it.

Michael Madsen and Rachel Hunter have been cast in Roger Corman's next film titled "Piranhaconda". The movie is obviously about a half piranha half anaconda that runs amok all over the place. According to everything I've read the movie will premier on Syfy sometimes in early 2012 but that can't be right, this has to be getting a wide release.

Brazilian actor Jose Padilha has been cast as the villian in Neill Blomkamp's next film titled "Elysium". The movie is Bloomkamp's first release since his much loved "District 9" and if I'm a betting man will feature a lot more waxing. Cause ya know, this Jose guy is Brazilian... They wax a lot? They can't all be zingers folks!

In Real People News: 

A 54 year old Connecticut woman is being brought up on charges after she reportedly forced her adopted son to sleep in a dog cage because he kept wetting the bed. The obvious question you have to ask is where did the dog go? Into the bed? And if the dog can go a entire night without wetting a bed and the kid can't did she really do anything wrong?

Two women in Pennsylvania were convicted of stealing two Wal-Mart gift cards from a 9 year old girl this past week. They were sentenced to sitting outside of the courthouse for almost 5 hours holding giant signs explaining their crime. When I was 13 I shoplifted some "90210" trading cards because I thought it was funny. Now more than ever I thank God I never got caught.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday February 2nd, 2011

For those of you who have been anxiously awaiting a remake of "The Gate" there's good news and bad news. The good news is they've gone into pre-production so there is in fact going to be a movie. The bad news is there won't be any filming in the near future because apparently all the 3D magic going into the production is going to take a long ass time to set up. It's called ying and yang folks, Google it.

"Choose" is a new indie horror flick that apparently opens with a girl having to decide which parent a slasher kills. The new trailer is up on the tubes and looks pretty awesome I must say. Unfortunately there's no US release date yet for us while the UK already has this one sitting on their DVD shelves. But fear not, I think they still love techno music over there so everything kind of evens out.

What the hell After Dark Originals?! I get all excited about your films and then I found out tha "Husk" will be hitting the airwaves this weekend on Syfy. You can't show nudity on Syfy, you can't show guts flying on Syfy and you sure as hell can't have a good movie on Syfy. Except the ones with Debbie Gibson in them, those things are freakin gold.

I don't care if you think Joaquin Phoenix is a jackass that man has got talent. And not the sarcastic type I usually make, the guy is an awesome actor and now he's supposedly the front runner to play our former president in the big screen version of "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". Seriously, did you see "We Own the Night"? I will fight you!

In Real People News: 

When you finally decide on a tattoo you don't want to wait, no matter how drunk you are. Unfortunately for this woman in Kentucky she was a little too drunk and got shot down by her local tattoo artist. She of course then got in her truck and destroyed the shop and then went on to take her vengeance out on some gravestones. If you love Winger you want people to know.

Yes I know smuggling drugs across the border is bad but you know what is awesome? Doing it with giant catapults! Still very much illegal though so probably not the best idea. Again though, awesome.

Horror Headlines: Monday January 31st, 2011

If you're a fan of Platinum Dunes remakes then prepare to get pumped! The gang expects to have a script ready for a remake of the childhood classic "Monster Squad" sometime this week. For those of you who aren't fans though I'd like to invite you over to my apartment for a delightful buffet style lunch this afternoon.

Chan-wook Park's first English language film "Stoker" now has a leading lady with Mia Wasikowska landing the role of a girl who has to deal with a strange uncle who shows up after her fathers passing. Unfortunately Wasikowska hasn't really appeared in any really ridiculous films so I'm drawing a blank on sarcastic comments. Sorry folks.

NBC has picked up the pilot for "Grimm", a cop drama that takes place in a world where characters based on the Brothers Grimm's stories are real. The show will be produced by some of the same folks that brought you "Angel" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" which I will not hold against it because it actually sounds like a cool idea.

How have we gone this long without another Gingerdead Man movie? Hell if I know but after seeing the trailer for "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver", yes it's got a disco theme, I feel like a giant hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there has been filled. That and I feel kind of gassy, but mostly the hole filled thing.

In Real People News: 

Hanging out at parks to watch women run because you like to see things "jiggle" is creepy yes but not illegal, yet. What is illegal though is going one step further and pretending to trip so you can shove your face in woman's asses. Honestly this is a complete surprise and you'll never prove I... I mean he didn't really trip.

I think most of us got to skip school once or twice in our lives to go do something fun with out parents. Some of us went to a ballgame, others took a day trip to the city and two lucky young tikes in Georgia robbed a bank with their mother. We all have different ways of bonding with our families.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday January 18th, 2011

This isn't a trailer for the "Mother's Day" remake but it is some sort of international sales promo that's found it's way online. Truth be told I've read the synopsis and watched the video and I'm still not 100% sure what the movie is about but it still looks pretty dandy. I assume it takes place on mothers day, right? Someone? I'm so confused and frightened.

"Gut" is a indie movie about two guys who end up watching some sort of awful movie based on one of the guy's suggestions and things get weird. They don't tell you what the movie is but my guess is it's some sort of snuff, autopsy or French film. Feel free to make your own guesses.

James Franco is set to direct and star in a new film about the real life slasher Richard Ramirez, better know as "The Night Stalker". Here's the fun part, Soundgarden front man Chris Cornell is also set to produce the film. Just tossing this out there, but what about getting that guy from Crazytown to compose the score?

If you had to put together the greatest cast of all time who would you pick? Don't bother thinking about it because the makers of "The Bleeding" have already done it. The answer? Vinnie Jones, Michael Matthias, Michael Madsen, DMX, Armand Assante and Kat Von D. Take a few minutes to compose yourself before checking out the clip because you might vomit from excitement.

In Real People News: 

This is why the Druids invented cell phones with video cameras. The Boston Blazer's which are some sort of local team that play some sport are in trouble after their halftime show features three women dressed in next to nothing gave their mascot lap dances. The only disappointing part? The team apologized for the good time after the show. Boo Boston!

When a mother and daughter take out time to do things together it's a wonderful thing. That is of course unless that mother and daughter are torturing animals and keeping the corpses in their house like this duo on Long Island. Just to confirm that isn't a wonderful thing at all, unless you're some kind of sicko, then it's probably right up your alley.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 17th, 2010

I don't want to say I'm some kind of god that can see into the future but here's the trailer for "Red Riding Hood" and as I predicted it looks like a pile of turds. Of course the words "From the director of 'Twilight'" attached to it might be considered a giveaway but if you want to call me the Nostradamus of crappy movies I'm not going to argue.

Here's a new one sheet for the long awaited indie film "Job". The story revolves around a group of priests who are hiding a secret only to be terrorized by "the Dark Christ". I assume that means the devil. It's got to be, right? Oh god have I stumbled upon some sort of weird racist propaganda movie?

Daniel Stamm, the guy who directed "The Last Exorcism", has been confirmed to be taking the helm of the English remake of "Martyrs". In other news, I'm finally going to see "Martyrs"! Once they make an English language version of it that is.

And I couldn't go a full week without some Nic Cage in my life. His new film "Drive Angry" in which he... well he drives a car real angry like, has been slapped with an R rating. When's the last time Mr. Cage was in an R rated movie? Was it that one where he tried to drink himself to death? I hope he tries to drink himself to death while driving in this one. Next level!

In Real People News: 

This seems to happen all the time but it doesn't make it any less funny. Some young prankster tampered with a highway sign in Arizona and drivers were warned of "Caution Zombies ahead!". Ya know some time there really are going to be zombies ahead and no one is going to believe it. Jerk.

Nice, Paris, real original. Apparently an outbreak of bed bugs is threatening the tourism industry of the cheese loving city and people are losing their berets over the whole thing. We've been doing this for months. Try something original.

Horror Headlines: Thursday November 4th, 2010

"Splice" and "Cube" director Vincenzo Natali is apparently working on 38 movies at the same time including the recently announced "388 Arletta Avenue". From the new poster for the flick I'm guessing it has something to do with cameras, the internet and LOL'ing. Just guessing here though.

The cast for "The Howling: Reborn" is shaping up nicely and today we've got a few names to throw your way. I say nicely in the hopes that someone here knows who the hell Landon Liboiron is because I don't recognize a thing from his IMDB. Although I am interested in something called "Moondance Alexander". I can't wait for the next staff picks on the podcast.

I've got little clue what "Sucker Punch" is but I think it might be the greatest Cinamax 2am women's prison movie ever made. I could be wrong though, god I hope not. Anyway it's got a new trailer and I think I'm in love.

Here's a new exciting one sheet for "Paranormal Activity: Tokyo Night". It's just like the one sheets you saw for the US version of the film but with Asians. I'm going to stop now because honestly I have no idea what's considered racist anymore.

In Real People News: 

Want to throw up? Here's a toy poodle that was found in ditch that has its fur so matted that it couldn't even see. Put your coffee down, it's going to get nasty folks.

And now that you're done throwing up here's some bacon flavored soda to wash the taste out of your mouth. What a terrible morning this is turning into.

On this day in history: 

1983 - Bomb attack on Israeli headquarter in Tyrus Lebanon, 60 killed

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