paranormal activity 4

Horror Headlines: Thursday, January 5th, 2012

James Merendino directed "SLC Punk" and all the kids love that movie but he also directed some really crappy low budget horror flicks so don't get too excited when I tell you he's been tapped to direct a new horror comedy titled "The Bitch". The film is about a woman who finds herself trapped in a mansion that is haunted by an evil spirit called.... wait for it... "The Bitch". Ya know, cause the ghost is a big jerk and she won't let you watch the game and she hates all your friends and she complains anytime you want to go out for drinks with your buddies. Man I hate her. Breaking up with that ghost was the best thing I've ever done.

Word around campus is that "The Evil Dead" reboot may have found its new leading lady in the form of Lily Collins, who you might remember from last year's flick "Priest". Apparently she'll be playing the new "Ash", which will be a woman in the retelling, because girls have different parts than boys and therefore the film is completely different now. I love girl parts.

This shouldn't be any sort of surprise but it looks like a release date for "Paranormal Activity 4" has been set for October 19th of this year. No director or story have been assigned to the project but seeing how these things probably take a week or two to make I wouldn't expect to hear anything till around August.

If you've never seen the original "The House on Sorority Row" but loved the remake then you might want to get your fat ass out to the DVD store on January 24th when the original comes out on a a 2 disc special edition DVD. It'll be packed with all kinds of behind the scenes videos, audio commentary, storyboards and god knows what else. Well alright I know what else too, I just don't feel like typing out every freakin detail of the thing. Sometimes you have to do a little work for yourself. I'm not going to be around forever.

In Real People News: 

If there's one sure fire way (it's a pun, you'll get it in a second) to win an argument with someone it's by setting yourself on fire (see, there it is). Of course this Michigan man did that after a dispute with his sister over cereal but who am I to judge what is and isn't important. he also died, which is the best way to make sure your opponent has no chance at a rebuttal to your argument.

And here's a Chicago man who went in a completely different direction to win an argument with his uncle over the remote control. He gouged his uncle's eyes out. Again who am I to judge...

Horror Headlines: Wednesday October 26th, 2011

Not going to lie, I had just assumed the movie "11-11-11" was about a bunch of people hanging out and looking at their office calendars on the date. Turns out it's about it's about a guy who travels to Barcelona and starts to realize the date might be a warning sign for the end of the world. Or something. To be honest I'm not sure what the movie is about from the new trailer and I kind of like my idea better.

Good news for fans of "The Walking Dead"! AMC has renewed the show for a 3rd season. No word as to when they'll start filming the next season or when it'll air. My guess would be sometime in late 2014 based on how quickly they put out the second season. Let the countdown begin.

And I can't imagine anyone is surprised by this one but it's my journalistic duty to tell you that Paramount Pictures is currently scratching their heads trying to figure out what the story will be for "Paranormal Activity 4". Here's a suggestion, how about the ladies from the last 3 films all meet up in a strip club and audition for jobs? Oh and a demon breaks some glasses or something too.

And here's your first look at Scarlett Johansson as a alien disguised as an attractive woman in stone washed jeans who abducts hitchhikers in the new film "Under the Skin". If she was wearing a Poison t-shirt she would have been my dream girl when I was 13.

In Real People News: 

I know old people get out of a lot of things just by saying they were confused but I'm not sure that's going to fly with this 87 year old Detroit man who was found to have 100 bricks of cocaine in his pickup truck. Then again I'm not sure what the cut off is for the excuse.

Wasn't this in one of those "Jackass" movies? A Washington man took a wild ride in a port-a-potty after a forklift operator moved the toilet from one location to another without knowing the crap house was occupied. And you thought your job was shitty! Haha, get it?! Because there was probably a lot of poo in there!

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