nic cage

Episode 154 - "Drive Angry 3D"

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We review the latest Nicolas Cage film and Louis prepares us for the oncoming Anglo/Mexican wars.

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10 Phases of Nic Cage's Hair

Nic Cage has had a varied career. He’ s played family men, vampires, business tycoons and more. His range carries him from one role to the next with ease. There is only one thing more varied that Cage’s roles and that is his hair.

It’s been big, it’s been slick, it’s been high and tight and more. Sometimes the hair draws more attention than the role, other times it’s a silent sidekick waiting in the wings for its time to shine. Join me today in honor this week’s release of “Drive Angry 3D” as we take a journey through the 10 Phases of Nic Cage’s Hair.


Drive Angry

Horror Headlines: Friday January 28th, 2011

If your car breaks down and you agree to getting a lift from a strange guy as long as you ride in the trailer for his big rig then you deserve every awful thing that is coming your way. In the case of "Prowl", the latest release form the After Dark Originals series that awful thing is being left in a warehouse full of flesh eating monsters.

The world sits and waits for what I assume will be the academy award winning film "Drive Angry" to be released in late February. To tide us over the makers have put out a dandy motion poster which you can print out and hang on your wall. Of course then it won't be in motion anymore but you can still fawn over Nic Cage in the privacy of your own bedroom. Sicko.

Hammer Films is at it again with "Wake Wood", a happy go lucky little tale about a couple who loses their only child in a dog attack and move to a small town where a pagan ritual gives them three more days with their daughter. A bunch of new photos have hit the net for your viewing pleasure and if you like you can email me and I'll send you some photos of myself that I've titled "Wake Wood" also.

I didn't even realize they were making a sequel to "Laid to Rest" but here we are kids with a trailer. "ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2" should please fans of the first, I think. honestly I haven't met any fans of the first. Come to think of it I don't think I'm met anyone's who saw the first. Come to think of it I forgot to put on pants today!

In Real People News: 

An emergency crew in Honolulu recently rescued a naked man who was trapped in a trash chute in the wee hours of the morning on Thursday. Everything really is sexier in Hawaii, even the garbage.

Break out the tissues racists, here's some sad news to spoil your Friday. After 65 years of dedication Hitler's last surviving bodyguard has announced that he can no longer respond to fan mail because of his age. How the hell did people get his address?

Episode 148 - "Season of the Witch"

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Ron Perlman will headbutt the evil out of you.

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Horror Headlines: Wednesday January 19th, 2011

Every day I look on the tubes for news that's going to grab you by the lips and yank. Some days that task is pretty hard. Today is not one of those days. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a very NSFW clip of from "Drive Angry" where Nic Cage is having sex with a women while having a gunfight. I don't want to say you should skip the rest of the news but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't going to go downhill after this.

Because "Piranha 3D" is hitting DVD and Blu-Ray and that gives us a reason to continue being pervs, the makers recently held an online "Hottest Babes in Horror" showdown on their site. The winner? One Miss Eliza Dushku. The losers? A porn stay way past her prime, a girl I think is someone but if I'm wrong I sound really racist and a bunch of other people I don't recognized. So yeah, congrats.

Michael Tully is a director and he's created a movie called "Septien" that has the greatest movie poster I've seen this year. No there isn't anyone nude on it, sometimes I can be classy to you know. The movie focuses on a gambler who returns home after being away for years to reconnect with his insane brothers. Side note, I have no idea how to pronounce the title of this film.

"Dibbuk Box", which sounds like a Japanese prono, has added Kyra Sedgwick to it's ever growing cast list. From Sam Raimi's Ghost House Pictures, the movie follows the story of a young boy who becomes strangely attracted to a wooden box that contains a soul chomping demon. Sedgwick will play the unlucky tike's mother.

In Real People News: 

Nothing ruins a day of fun like losing your grip on the inflatable sex doll that you're floating down a river on. Luckily these Australian teens were rescued after the mishap and all is now well again. From the photo I think the sex doll made it out OK too, so happy times all around.

Cops ruin everything, fact. Here's a story of a guy who was playfully running around a highway completely naked after getting all wacky on LSD and booze and then the cops had to come along and taser him, three times. On second thought that sounds really awesome and the only bad part is that it wasn't captured on film.

Horror Headlines: Monday January 10th, 2011

"Vanishing on 7th Street" is apparently already available on VOD even though it won't be released in theaters till next month. In honor of all this a new clip has been released and I have to say the Brad Anderson directed gem is looking pretty good. I'm pretty sure the DVD was released back in July.

Director Joe Johnston now admits that "The Wolfman" remake was a big piece of crap and that he only did it because he was having money problems. Normally I would just think he's a prick trying to explain his way out of the doodie pile he made but I refuse to believe anyone that directed "Jumanji" could lie.

So apparently there's a new origin sequence in the second "Ghost Rider" film? Correct me if I'm wrong but I've seen the first one 37 times and there was an origin scene in that one right? Two origins? I'm not one to question it, I was terrible in science class and I'm not even sure this is actually science.

Ivan Reitman is here to crush all your hopes and dreams my friends. According to him "Ghostbusters 3" hasn't been cast yet so all the rumors you've heard about who will be playing the various characters are pretty much false. That and he's confirmed we're all going to die in a fiery hellstorm sometime this year. So there's that.

In Real People News: 

Nothing weird to see here. It's just a report about found documents about a Finnish dog who would impersonate Hitler during World War II. I'm surprised there was only one.

Bjork, who apparently still sucks, recently protested some sort of energy deal that no one gives a crap about because it's in Iceland by having a Karaoke marathon. You can make up your own jokes here folks. I've hated that little troll for close to twenty years now and I really just don't have it in me.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday December 7th, 2010

As expected Sunday night's "The Walking Dead" season finale went balls out with the rating, pulling about 8.1 million viewers between the 10 pm and 1 am showings. That's up 9% from last week's show and the series had the highest average for a cable show since 1993. That's a lot of math and to be honest the most amazing part is that I somewhat understand it.

It's no surprise that the producers of "American Psycho: The Musical" are promising tons of gore. Well maybe it's a little surprise since it's going to be on Broadway but that's nowhere near as surprising as the fact that Tom Cruise might be making a small cameo in the show. I know this isn't sarcasm but somehow I still feel like I'm being a wise ass here.

Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman, I've had dreams that start with those two names. Nightmares, I meant nightmares... I swear! Anyway there's a bunch of new interviews with the two up on the tubes with them talking about how exciting their new flick "Season of the Witch" is. Get hot and bothered!

Hammer's next film titled "The Resident" will apparently not be released in theaters but instead see a DVD/Blu-Ray release on March 29th, 2011. My guess for the change in plans is that putting both Hilary Swank and Jeffrey Dean Morgan on the screen together would cause theaters to burst into flames from all the heat. Now it'll just be your home.

In Real People News: 

Butcher vs. Boar 2010 took place recently at a shop in Germany when a wild hog ripped apart a butcher shop for close to an hour. Who won? Well one of the gladiators is now being sold as pork chops. You try to guess which one.

Douglas Allen Smith Jr. of Eugene Oregon has officially changed his name to Captain Awesome. That's really all I can say about that.

Horror Headlines: Wednesday November 17th, 2010

I don't want to say I'm some kind of god that can see into the future but here's the trailer for "Red Riding Hood" and as I predicted it looks like a pile of turds. Of course the words "From the director of 'Twilight'" attached to it might be considered a giveaway but if you want to call me the Nostradamus of crappy movies I'm not going to argue.

Here's a new one sheet for the long awaited indie film "Job". The story revolves around a group of priests who are hiding a secret only to be terrorized by "the Dark Christ". I assume that means the devil. It's got to be, right? Oh god have I stumbled upon some sort of weird racist propaganda movie?

Daniel Stamm, the guy who directed "The Last Exorcism", has been confirmed to be taking the helm of the English remake of "Martyrs". In other news, I'm finally going to see "Martyrs"! Once they make an English language version of it that is.

And I couldn't go a full week without some Nic Cage in my life. His new film "Drive Angry" in which he... well he drives a car real angry like, has been slapped with an R rating. When's the last time Mr. Cage was in an R rated movie? Was it that one where he tried to drink himself to death? I hope he tries to drink himself to death while driving in this one. Next level!

In Real People News: 

This seems to happen all the time but it doesn't make it any less funny. Some young prankster tampered with a highway sign in Arizona and drivers were warned of "Caution Zombies ahead!". Ya know some time there really are going to be zombies ahead and no one is going to believe it. Jerk.

Nice, Paris, real original. Apparently an outbreak of bed bugs is threatening the tourism industry of the cheese loving city and people are losing their berets over the whole thing. We've been doing this for months. Try something original.

Horror Headlines: Friday November 12th, 2010

If you're like me then you're still climaxing from the new "Season of the Witch" poster we talked about yesterday. Well get ready to reload because here's a new trailer for the Nic Cage flick. God I pray you're nothing like me, it's sad sad existence.

Great news for all you sickos who love looking at young Asian girls dressed up in school uniforms. "Battle Royale" looks to be finally making it's way to US theaters and in 3D no less. It's been ten years since the film warmed it's way into the hearts of deviants and it's about time that it was presented to the "hole in the bottom of the popcorn" crowd.

Courtney Ford will be joining the cast of next season's "True Blood". Ford will play a southern bell who owns her own law firm and I assume she'll end up screwing someone and turning into the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Darren Lynn Bousman, the guy who's currently working on the "Mothers Day" remake is also working on a new film called "11-11-11". The film focuses on a bunch of people who have guardian angels and the rest of the plot confuses me and the fact that it's all based on a date on the calender already annoyed me. Oh and it'll be released on December 21st, 2012. I kid!

In Real People News: 

Alright we all agree that assaulting a cop is bad but just think about how much worse is it to assault a cop with a dildo. What makes it worse? Doing it after walking out on your bill at Joe's Crab Shack. You enjoyed those delicious crabs now you pay for them, asshole!

I'd love to make fun of this guy from Idaho but I really can't. He was arrested shortly after robbing an inn when police found him hiding out at the bar right next to the scene of the crime. People get thirsty, it happens.

On this day in history: 

2001 – In New York City, American Airlines Flight 587, an Airbus A300 en route to the Dominican Republic, crashes minutes after takeoff from John F. Kennedy International Airport, killing all 260 on board and five on the ground.

Horror Headlines: Tuesday July 27th, 2010

A new red band trailer for "Let Me In", the US remake of the Swedes "Let the Right One In" has found it's way online. At this point I've run out of clever ways to say how much I hated the original so let's just accept that we're American and we're better than everyone else. Let freedom ring.

Twenty years ago the newly released clip of Tiffany and Debbie Gibson having a cat fight for the Syfy flick "Mega Python vs. Gatoroid" would of made my Jams all kinds of tight. But I haven't worn Jams in close to twenty years so now it's just making my big boy shorts tight. See how that didn't turn out like you hoped it would?

After very much not being released back in March the Nic Cage film "Season of the Witch" is now seeing some re-shoots. Since they're going back and redoing some scenes why not toss in John Travolta and have him switch faces with Nic. Then have the two of them race around the country looking for secret treasures hidden in national landmarks. You're welcome Lionsgate, you can keep that one.

Hot news out of Comic-Con this past weekend that the much delayed film "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" may be getting a release in the near future. By this point I'm sure most of the boys have moved on from Mandy to the skeezy girl down the street.

In Real People News: 

A Pittsburgh area man robbed a bank recently while wearing a woman's blond wig, fake breasts and clown pants. There's got to be some kind of sicko fetish site out there for this sort of crap and I for one plan on using most of today's work day to find it.

On this day in history: 

1940 - Bugs Bunny made his debut in the Warner Bros. animated cartoon "A Wild Hare."

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