fowler fridays

Horror Headlines: Friday October 30th, 2009

I am looking everywhere for horror news. Everywhere. With the exception of something with Ashley Olsen called “Beastly”, there's no news. None. Oh, there's plenty of news about Anthony Hopkins playing Odin in the “Thor” adaptation, or that “Men in Black 3” is moving forward, but nothing that is remotely horror related. Um... Cameron Diaz might be remaking Mel Gibson's “What Women Want”. That's pretty damn scary. “Twilight” is getting re-released in theaters. UGH.

I know that some of you are probably freaking out right now, but, you know... BREATHE. It'll be okay. Here's an idea: how about trying out some new genre this weekend? You're life can't all be horror and, if it is, chances are you're highly unemployable. Why not try a nice romantic comedy? I watched “The Proposal” the other night and found it absolutely delightful!

Or, even better...how about turning off the TV and taking your puppy to the dog park? Yeah! Get off your fat, unwashed ass and cavort and frolic with your loving pet. He could die at any minute. Do you want the guilt of having this loyal companion die of loneliness while you watch “Evil Dead 2” for the 30th time? Don't have a dog, volunteer at an animal shelter. DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE, YOU FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 23, 2009

Have you ever wanted to see Neve Campbell's moist, lip-quivering histrionics in the THIRD-DIMENSION? No? Well, sorry, but according to a Bloody Disgusting “exclusive”, Scream 4 will be shot in 3-D. Speaking of 3-D, Roger Ebert just wrote a great piece about how if you like 3-D you are an idiot. This Scream news really brings his point home.

Steve Niles confirms that 30 Days of Night: Dark Days is currently in production and starring such acting luminaries as...well, all that matters is that Diora Baird is headlining. I don't have to be a vampire to know what of hers I'd like to suck! (To clarify, it would be her breasts. Possibly her vagina, depending on her bathing habits.)

Rob Zombie, perhaps the greatest (horror) director of all-time, announced on his Myspace that his soon-to-be-classic Halloween 2 will be returning to theaters next weekend, just in time for the holiday. That's great news but, really Rob, Myspace? It's hard for me to defend you when you're still using an archaic social networking device as your primary news delivery system. Can we get a Facebook, or a Blogspot or something? I'd be willing to do it for you...

Horror Headlines: Friday October 16th, 2009

The big news today? That the much jizzed-on “Paranormal Activity” goes wide, and all thanks to the 1,000,000 of you that took the time to vote online! Sure, we're in the middle of two wars, the dollar is becoming useless and we are on the verge of eating our pets, but, hey, entertainment reigns supreme! The best thing about this massive hype? I can't wait for the sure-to-come backlash now that everyone can see the movie without having to resort to midnight movie theatrics. For more info, click here. To join the Army, click here.

What's the other big news on every single Goddamned horror movie site? In a just posted Twitter, Wes Craven thinks that Kevin Williamson's “Scream 4” script “sounds fantastic”. In other Craven/Twitter news that hasn't made it to the news sites yet, today he's eating “tomato soup for lunch...again”, “hates traffic on the 405” and wants to know if you've heard about “that krazy balloon boy in Colorado”.

According to Variety, “Universal Pictures has set Chris Messina to star in "Devil," a horror-thriller based on an M. Night Shyamalan story that will be directed by John Erick Dowdle and Drew Dowdle.” I have no idea who Chris Messina or the Dowdles are, but if M. Night Shyamalan has something to do with it I AM THERE. That man is a cinematic genius. Just like Rob Zombie.

Horror Headlines: Friday October 9th, 2009

Variety is reporting that Twisted Pictures, the unheralded geniuses behind the Saw franchise, are in the process of purchasing the rights to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, previously owned by the date-rapists over at Platinum Dunes. This is all part of Twisted's plan to corner the market on all films that have saws in them. Hey-O!!!

Dread Central has posted the cast list (Milla Jovovich, Wentworth Miller, Ali Larter) and synopsis for Resident Evil 4: Afterlife (In a world ravaged by infection, Alice continues her...blah blah blah...). The final line, however, of Dread's report reads: “Thankfully, Mike Epps will remain dead.” I, for one, enjoy Mike Epps and, unlike Dread Central, love black people and wish them continued success in the horror movie genre. KILL WHITEY!

Gary Ross, the writer of the Tom Selleck comedy classic Mr. Baseball, has been tapped to write a solo Venom movie. Venom, who you may remember, was killed at the end of Spider-Man 3, but, if anyone can ret-con this fallacy, it's the writer of Mr. Baseball! (Netflix this NOW!)

Horror Headlines: Friday October 2nd, 2009

Platinum Dunes, in their Bloody Disgusting-sponsored blog (HMMMMMM...), has announced that Friday the 13th Part 2 will be released on August 13, 2010. So how does that work? How does a film website, which published reviews on a regular basis, sponsor a blog for a studio? Isn't that akin to “payola”? When asked, Mr. Disgusting had this to say: “Brah, we here at Bloody Disgusting pride ourselves on honest, no bullshit reviews and we will always stand by that. So, with that being said, the NEW NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET IS TEH GREATEST HORROR MOVIE OF ALL TIME BUY FOUR TICKETS FOR YOURSELF AND THE TSHIRT AT HOT TOPIC!!!”

One of the few things I have ever agreed with Eric about, besides Asian chicks, is that the original Crazies is a pretty entertaining, chilling movie. I am looking forward to the remake but am far too lazy to upload this Apple trailer and watch it. Eh...the poster looks good though.

According to Variety, Sam Raimi is launching a family friendly sub-Ghost House imprint called Spooky Films. Their first movie will be The Substitute, directed by Scott Derrickson who looks like a reject from Tool Academy. Seriously, Google this douche's picture. This news follows on the heels of Disney's news that they are teaming with Guillermo del Toro to form a production company called, ahem...Double Dare You. Really, guys? Really?