eli roth

People are using GIF's now to promote their horror films, like that one for the Ethan Hawke film "Sinister". I could have used a few GIF's of Jennifer Lawrence last week to keep me interested in "House at the End of the Street"... missed opportunity.

Joe Dante has announced some select screening dates and cities for "The Hole 3D". This has led other horror site owners to nearly have an aneurysm trying to come up with pun headlines. Get it, HE'S OPENING HIS HOLE. Congrats guys, we're all stupider for having read that.

If there's one thing you know about me it's that I love me some "God Of War". I know I've never really mentioned the classic PS2 and PS3 games but I think it's been implied over the years that I'm a big fan. Of the first one at least. I've never played the others. But still. Biggest fan ever. So I'm excited to see that Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan have been tapped to write the script for the big screen adaptation of the game. Not so much excited about them. Just excited that a movie is being made. I like movies.

"The Monkey's Paw" is a classic tale about a man who comes into possession of a strange monkey's paw that has the power to grant his wishes. I say "classic" because I remember there being an episode of "The Monkees" based on the story and I refuse to believe those guys did anything that wasn't awesome. Well it was only a matter of time before a film was made about the tale and it looks like Brett Simmons, who directed "Husk", is the one leading the charge on it. "Last Train to Clarksville" is a really fun song for opening credits. I'm just tossing it out there Brett.

Hold the phones folks, Eli Roth is going to direct a movie. It's called "The Green Inferno" and I have no idea what it's about but it's going to be filming in Chili and Roth co-wrote the screenplay with Guillermo Amoedo. Did you hold your phone? You really don't get the full effect unless you're holding your phone right now.

John Cusack and Elijah Wood in the same movie? Oh my lukewarm excitement. The film is called "The Grand Pioano" and Cusack is just in talks right now but the film is about a pianist who finds a note saying he'll die if he plays one note wrong. Wood will play the pianist and Cusack the lovable geek who ends up getting the girl. That might be a lie.

Wait Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel are doing a movie called "The Apocalypse" and Jason Segel has decided to join the cast? This is unprecedented. After years of demanding these guys have finally decided to maker a movie! This will be the most original film ever imagined with a cast no one has seen before. What's it about? Well the title is elusive but it's about the end of the world. I KNOW! Breaking new ground. Emma Watson has joined the cast too, but that's not really funny.

Eli Roth has announced that he will be opening a new haunted house attraction in Las Vegas this coming September. The year round attraction will be called Goretorium and will be a multilevel experience for super horror fans around the globe. This actually sounds pretty cool. I'd like to go there with you and maybe take in a show. I love buffets.

Rapper, producer and medical student Dr. Dre has decided to toss his hat into the horror ring with a new "best in the snow" chiller that's being cooked up for his Crucial Films production company. Vik Weet (don't know him) will pen the script and Daniel Schnider (not a clue) will co-producer with Dre.

One time when I was working really late my wife came into the city to pick me up, cause she's awesome and does nice things. We hit a bunch of traffic at the Holland tunnel and while we were sitting there I looked at the large SUV sitting next to us and there was Famke Janssen in the passenger seat. Apparently her and whoever was driving got sick of the traffic and decided they had the right to hop the curb and make a u-turn. I rolled down the window and yelled "Just because you're Famke doesn't mean the laws of the road don't apply to you!" She smiled at me and I will forever love her. On top of that she's also been cast in Eli Roth's new Netflix exclusive series "Hemlock Grove". Good story, huh?

Christopher Heyerdahl is apparently a guy who played a vampire in the "Twilight" films and now he's signed on to play a vampire in the HBO series "True Blood". The difference here is he's not going to sparkle so you see he's very versatile. I can already hear the direction he must be taking on the set. Alright Chris that was great, but I kind of felt like you were sparkling in that one. Can we try it again but this time, and I can't stress this enough, try not to act all sparkly?".

If you wanted to read the script for "Deadgirl 2" that will never be turned into an actual movie then I've got some exciting news for you. Scribe Trent Haaga has posted his would be sequel's script up on his blog for all to enjoy. If you're interested I've also got a script for "The Godfather 4" that I wrote a few years back when I had some downtime. It's all handwritten on bar napkins, but it's pretty awesome. I think. Honestly it has a lot of it has beer stains on it.

Eli Roth is just going to keep doing what he's doing and be dreamy to boot. He's now confirmed to be producing two new horror films, "Clown" and "Aftershock". I'm pretty sure you can figure out what the movies will be about from the titles. One has a guy dressed up as a clown who goes nuts and one is about the aftermath of a large earthquake. Try to guess which is which!

Looks like "Friday the 13th: Part 2 3D" may in fact be moving forward so get excited kids. Or don't, I don't really care at this point. Of course this news is all based on some blog post so who knows. I announced my candidacy for President on my blog and it didn't come true. Don't think I didn't try though!