christmas horror

Goldberg Says Merry Christmas

I may be the only one on the podcast willing to admit my unabashed love for "Santa's Slay", but even if you're not in my camp, the first three minutes of the movie (video after the jump) are worth revisiting for a number of reasons. The most important being, "what type of sexual deviance did the director catch these actors in to blackmail them into doing this?..." I hope James Caan in particular had a long, hard look in the mirror after shooting this scene, but hey, his excruciating embarrassment is our Christmas-time horror delight.

Episode 185 - "Rare Exports"

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Many topics covered this week, including Brett Ratner, geography, and most of all... old-man penis... The show will never be the same.

Purchase this Back Episode $0.99

Silent Night, Bloody Night (REVIEW)

I’m going to hazard a guess here and say that if you are a regular reader of this website, chances are somewhere in the depths of your DVD collection you have at least one of those DVD sets with multiple horror “classics” packed on a handful of DVDs. It’s happened to all of us – you see a few titles you recognize, a few more that have to be watchable (“Werewolf in a Girl’s Dormitory” anybody?), and hey, who doesn’t need a seventh copy of “Night of the Living Dead”? I’ll also guess that you watched no more than three of the movies before realizing that murky VHS transfers of rightly forgotten movies maybe wasn’t the best ten dollars you ever spent. If you’re looking for some holiday-themed horror this Christmas you might want to blow the dust off that box set and see if it has “Silent Night, Bloody Night”, a gothic proto-slasher that beat seasonal classic “Black Christmas” to the punch by a couple of years.

Trailer: "Rare Exports"

A few years ago, you may remember some very cool, award winning shorts on YouTube under the title "Rare Exports" created by director Jalmari Helander. Seems those shorts have already acquired a cult reputation in the internet, and spawned a full fledged movie.

A film for those who think they don't believe in Santa Claus anymore.

In the depths of the Korvatunturi mountains, 486 meters deep, lies the closest ever guarded secret of Christmas. The time has come to dig it up!

This Christmas.... everyone will believe in Santa Claus.

Retro Poster: "Silent Night, Deadly Night"

It wasn't the first Christmas themed horror film, but "Silent Night, Deadly Night" would prove to be the most controversial upon its wide release in 1984. Director Charles E. Sellier Jr.'s slasher film caused quite a stir with its provocative promotional campaign. Not only did the national PTA fight to have it pulled from theaters due to the potentially scarring image of a killer Santa, the film was given the best reward an exploitation film could hope for, a condemnation by Siskel and Ebert. It was so controversial in the UK, that it wasn't officially released there until 2009.

Retro Trailer: "New Years Evil" (1980)

If you have FearNET on Demand from either Comcast or Time Warner Cable in the US, right now they have a whole mess of Holiday horror streaming for your convenience. Last night I had the pleasure (?) of taking in this gem that I had never seen before, "New Years Evil" (1980). From what I could gather, it's about a really unattractive woman who everyone thinks is hot, who is also the host of a New Years Eve rock music countdown. I'm not going to lie, it's pretty terrible, but might be a good viewing for those holiday horror completists out there. Enter at your own risk.

Trailer: Santa Comes To Town In "Rare Export"

In Norway, Santa Claus is a giant man who eats children and is hunted during the month of December for his tender soft flesh and warm pelt. He hides in the mountains during the off season and waits for Christmas to come when he unleashes hell on all the little boys and girls.

Sounds awesome right? Well I'm bullshitting for the most part but fighting Fin Jalmari Helander has put together a film called "Rare Exports" which centers around the idea that Santa is actually hunted because he is mighty pissed off about being disturbed during his sleep. So see I didn't completely lie to you.

Silent Night, Deadly Night (REVIEW)

Nothing violently screams "Merry Christmas" quite like a good, old-fashioned senseless bloodletting. Nevermind the twinkling lights, the blankets of snow, and the Yuletide spirit -- if a half-naked teenage girl isn't getting graphically impaled upon the antlers of an enormous mounted deer head, then there's a very strong possibility that my holiday cheer will be less than spectacular. Your family traditions may vary slightly from my own, but I think the sentiment remains the same.

The DVD Bargain Bin


Well, Thanksgiving is over. Why not kick off the Christmas season with one of the best holiday themed creature features yet? Gremlins should be on every Blu-ray convert's Christmas list!

Santa's Slay (REVIEW)

As it turns out, the real Santa (played by Jewish wrestler Bill Goldberg) isn't the bringer of good cheer as the legends claim, but rather the son of Satan. Having lost a bet to an angel a thousand years ago (a Curling bet, no less) Santa has been forced to bring presents and merriment to the people of the world every year on Christmas. The year is now 2005, exactly 1,000 years since the bet was made, and it's time for Santa to finally bring down the reign of terror he has been waiting a millennia for.

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