Horror Headlines 7/8/08

Someone felt so strongly that Tara Reid should have a role in Platinum Dunes remake of "A Nightmare on Elm St." that they started a petition. Well thank GOD someone took the time out to fight for Tara Reid, because I can't think of a single thing going on in the world that might benefit from this kind of attention. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go sell my laptop to a pawnshop so I can buy some gas.

A trilogy of films about the infamous "Yorkshire Ripper" are being made for television in the UK. They will be titled "1974", "1980", and "1983" respectively. Also, for hilarity's sake, check out the guy's mugshot here. Apparently he was part of some Russian breakdancing squad or something.

The hot rumor today is that George Romero will be directing the remake of the Spanish film "Timecrimes ("Los Cronos Crimines"). The good news is, it already has a writer in Timothy Sexton, who wrote the highly solid "Children of Men". That way, if he does actually get the project, I don't have to sit through any more "Diary of the Dead" like dialogue. That wouldn't be good for anyone.

The official site for "X-Files 2: I Want to Believe" has launched, and on it you can find some blogs where David Duchovny discusses sequel possibilities, thus proving my theory that he's going to milk this bad boy for all it's worth.

In Real People News: 

Residents in Tamil Nadu are are being paid to relieve themselves in toilets instead of the streets in order to clean the town up. With my fiber intake, this could mean paydirt. Sign me up! (if anyone knows where the hell this country is, please let me know)

Apparently the US Government wanted to drop VX and Sarin nerve gas on soldiers in Australia during the cold war, just to see what happened. If only "The Rock" had come out by then, Nicolas Cage could have explained it all to them. (BTW, Australian readers, I don't mean to make light of this story, but it's so disturbing that only a Nic Cage joke could snap me back to reality)

So remember those "rebate checks" the government gave us all a few months ago? Apparently people are spending them on porn. What's more American than VX gas and porn? I'll tell you my friend, NOTHING.

On this day in history: 

1932: Todd Browning's film "Freaks" debuts at the Rialto theater in New York City. The controversial film, cast almost entirely of real circus freaks, was banned in the UK for 30 years and is still an underground classic this year to this day.

Box Office Special - Hancock's Whale of a Tale

I'm still getting my head screwed on straight since returning from a vacation this weekend, so I'm going to do a quick rundown in bullet point format because that is the laziest possible format one can write in (but also the most fun to read, go figure!). For your data fix this week, you can peep the Horrors of 2008. Last week I added some fun average and median figures, which you'll see at the bottom.

The Day the Earth Stood Still Teaser Trailer

This weekend saw the release of the latest in the long line of 'OH MY GOD Why are they remaking that???!?' chain of remakes, The Day the Earth Stood Still" starring Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelley.

Fear Itself 5 Review - Eater

This is a review of "Fear Itself" Episode #5

Horror Headlines 7/7/08

Here's a new one, an Indie horror flick in the UK titled "Roid Rage", about a designer performance enhancer that turns bodybuilders into murderous monsters. The director describes it as "horror/action", which for some reason makes me picture lots of Hulk Smashing.

Since Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are no longer doing their thing together, it puts several projects that they were going to be working on in jeopardy. Now, a rumor is going around that Jessica Alba is being considered to fill her shoes on the "Barbarella" remake. My own obsessions aside, I have to say that this is pretty interesting. Would she be good? Of course not, but would she look amazing in leather? I think that goes without saying.

Lions Gate has opened up the official site for "Saw V", and they did it on the 4th of July. I guess there's nothing more American than lousy sequels and stylized violence.

Not that it means anything, but Sigourney Weaver is apparently still very interested in doing a non-existent "Alien 5", as long as there was a decent script and 'a good director like Ridley Scott' returning to the series. We all know it won't be happening any time soon however. Why on earth would you do that when you can continue the most mediocre versus series ever? And yes, I'm including "Puppet Master vs The Demonic Toys" as a versus film that's better.

In Real People News: 

Believe it or not, this is not the first story I've reported on here about a dog nibbling off someone's toe. And, I haven't vomited either time. Go me.

Ya, Hi 911... um, what's my problem? Well there's a man in my basement, and he's covered in BBQ sauce. Why you ask? He says it's urban camouflage. No, I don't know what the hell that means either, but please get here quickly.

A Calcutta woman recently avoided rape by a young neighbor by setting herself on fire. She ended up dying from her injuries. Sorry, that's not really funny at all. Hey, I can't be on all the time people.

Bozo the Clown is dead at 83. In related news, I just discovered that Bozo the Clown is (was) a real person. Also, the clown story makes up for the rape one. Yup, it's true. You can look it up.

On this day in history: 

1348: Black Death, or "The Plague", makes its first appearance in England.

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