Box Office Special - Audiences Fail to See Genius of "Guru"

In a shocking (SHOCKING!) development, "The Love Guru" died a quiet, merciful death in theaters around the country. Proving—perhaps miraculously—that the average moviegoer does have a threshold for cinematic putridity, audiences managed to contain their enthusiasm for goofy voices and the most egregious of non-sequitors, all of which may send "funny-man" Mike Myers back into another five year hibernation (his last actual on-screen appearance was in 2003's "Cat in the Hat").

Patton Oswalt: Death Bed

If you only know Patton Oswalt from his stint on King of Queens or as the voice of Remy from Ratatouille, you should do yourself a favor and check out some of his stand-up. On his most recent comedy album Werewolves and Lollypops he talks about how his job as a screenwriter in Hollywood got harder with the DVD release of an obscure 70's horror film called Death Bed: The Bed That Eats.

Want Horror in the Theater this Week?

If you're feeling blue because you've already caught "The Happening" and "The Strangers," and you just feel like being truly horrified this weekend, let me suggest the following: Go see "The Love Guru."

Now, I haven't seen this movie, nor would I ever subject myself to that sort of torture, but judging from A. O. Scott's review, Mike Myers may have inadvertently created the most terrifying film of the year. Allow me to quote at length:

Fear Itself 3 Review - Family Man

This is a review of "Fear Itself" Episode #3

Horror Headlines 6/20/08

If you're a horror filmmaker, don't forget that today is the final day to enter the "After Dark" film fest that takes place in Toronto every year. Of course, if you've ever done these types of things before you know that there are so many hoops to jump through, you probably don't have enough time. So really, I'm just here to mock you.

"Blood Car" is (you guessed it) a horror comedy about a car that runs on human blood. With gas at well over 4 dollars a gallon, I wouldn't mind this at all. Lord knows there's plenty dead weight around me that would work pretty good as fuel.

In Real People News: 

Mother tortures son, partially skins him and feeds his flesh to other people. Oh crap, I forgot to tell you to put your bagel down before you read that. Sorry :)

Stillborn baby starts breathing 5 hours after being declared dead, on the way to the cemetery. Wow, two incredibly disgusting stories in a row. I'm on fire today.

Here's a good one. Want some possible proof of life beyond our planet? A researcher in the UK has determined that an unusual crop circle that showed up recently is actually a fractal representation of the first 10 digits of Pi. Either this guy is a genius, or he's just banking on the fact that I'm retarded when it comes to math. Either way, it's pretty intriguing.

On this day in history: 

2010: Houston mommy Andrea Yates drowns her five children, one after another, in the bathtub then notifies the authorities. Yates is later sentenced to life in prison which is overturned. She was on medication for post-partum depression and had recently attempted suicide.

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